Friday, July 8, 2011

Who am I doing all this for anyway?

Sometimes I think that the people around me don't realize that I am human.  I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, inherited-mom, aunt, cousin, friend, employee, and co-worker.  But above all else I am, or should be, a servant and kid of the King.   

I have been doing a lot of thinking these days.  What does it mean to be a kid of the King, part of a royal family.  How can I, a princess, have this servants heart?  I wake up every morning and begin my day of serving.  And some days my heart is in the right place.  But let me tell you...... this princess sure can get an attitude.  I can bang cabinets while loudly put the clean dishes away and increase the volume doubly with the dirty.  Poor little servant princess. Who am I doing all this for anyway?  I wonder if this is how Martha responded to Mary's "lack" of help in the kitchen. Was Martha's heart beating harder and harder from holding her temper back as Mary sat calmly at Jesus' feet? Or did Martha's jaw hurt from grinding her teeth because she was so angry that she wasn't taken by the hand and led to sit at her Saviors feet too? 

Webster defines servant as one that serves others; especially : one that performs duties about the person or home of a master or personal employer.  And a sub definition of heart as: : the emotional or moral as distinguished from the intellectual nature: as generous disposition : compassion(a leader with heart): loveaffection (won her heart): courageardor (never lost heart) So, again I ask myself,how can I be calling myself a servant?  Pretty lame servant.  I know that I need to re-adjust my attitude.  Because, as soon as all the chores are completed, it will be very hard to sit and be calm.  Especially if I am still feeling bitter. I need to perform my duties with a generous disposition.  In other words have a true "servants heart". And STOP grumbling and slamming cabinets.

This past weekend I received the most amazing gift ever.  It really is the only gift I ever want.  They cleaned their rooms!  Yes, kids rooms are clean.  I thought about taking pictures.  This way I will remember this moment forever! I know that the rooms will probably begin to get cluttered again.  Because I have kids who have busy lives.  And they are, at times, Martha's that really enjoy relaxing like a Mary.  They have their moments when the reveal they too have a servants heart.  Who did they do this for? Well, initially it was to no longer hear me nag them.  But in the end their reward was the treasures they found.

I have been overwhelmed.  Just feeling rejected, excluded and distant from family.  I thought about what it means to me to be a family. Each member has their position.  A role that no one else can play.  To love each other at any cost. To talk to or write one another when the Martha in us pre-occupies our lives. I have been so overwhelmed by my perspective of what I thought family should be. What is my role?  And who and what am I doing all this worrying for?  I don't sit still long enough to be thankful for the members that accept and love me for me. I overlooked those who want to spend time and want to include me in their gatherings.  I spent too much time "in the kitchen" and allowed the hurt to overwhelm, fester  and distract me. Don't get me wrong. Martha had her heart for Christ in the right place.  She just wanted clean bedrooms. The finest of foods. And everything perfect.  She too, inadvertently, forgot to be still and see the blessing in her sister, her family.  In the words of my precious Savior, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."  It seemed much easier for me to sit at His feet today. He will never reject me, exclude me or be distant.  

I am beginning to realize that there is a time and purpose for everything.  A time to clean and a time to let the mess sit.  A time to enjoy my family and a time to be busy about the tasks ahead of me. A time to be a Mary and a time to be a Martha. 

I am a servant. When my heart is in the wrong place I become overwhelmed and feel rejected, excluded and forgotten "in the kitchen".  And, when my heart is in the right place, I do "this" with a smile on my face and joy in my heart to glorify Him!