A trip to Paradise.....paid in full.

This morning, before getting out of bed, I thanked God for this days fresh fill of His grace.  I then proceeded to go make the coffee to get the fresh jump start on my adventurous day.  As I sipped on the fresh brew, I flipped on my kindle and started to read.  The statement I fixed my eyes, my head and my heart on was,  "There is no believing without following".   John 3:16  states,  (come on, say it with me) "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."   In this verse the most resounding words in my mind and heart are "whosoever believes".  This is an open invitation. It is kind of like the Valpac that comes in the weekly mail.  It doesn't discriminate and it is delivered to every house.  We all know that there are some pretty nice deals in that envelope.  But often the recipient of the envelope just throws it away without even looking into the deals.  I myself like to look through to see where I can save. Inside this weeks Valpac, is a coupon for John 3:16, is an invitation. It's an all inclusive, paid in full, with luxurious accommodations, trip to Paradise.  All I have to do is dial 1-800-YES-LORD.  And press one for "yes" or two for "not now, I am really enjoying the trip I am on." But there is more to this phone call.  Once I press #1  I get transferred to an agent of the Lord by the name of Luke.  Luke reviews the invitation. He wants to be sure I have a very clear picture of what it meant when I pressed one for "yes". He explains that Jesus, the sender of the invite, wants to have a deep, passionate, and very real relationship with me.  A relationship that will last an eternity. Now, Luke inquires, are you ready to accept this paid in full journey to Paradise?  I respond with, "I have a question.  Why is it that I got this invitation? Why would Jesus want someone like me sitting at His table.  Why would He want a sinner, one of the biggest I know of, sitting at His feet just so He could gaze into my eyes.  And, is He really okay with me following Him at the risk of ruining His own reputation?" "Hmmm, Luke responds, that is a very great question.  Jesus' heart is overwhelmed with joy!  You see from the beginning of time He has had His eyes on you.  He was waiting for just the right moment to send that invitation.  He loves you and is willing to wash away every horrible thing you have done." "Is it really that easy?" I ask.  "Well, I am not going to tell you it is an easy journey.  You are going to have to lay a lot of things down.  You may even lose some friends and family members.  But you will never be alone.  The burdens may, at times, feel heavy and unbearable.  But I can tell you first hand that you will never regret pressing one for "yes".  Can I put you down for a reserved spot? "  I nervously say, "yes".  There is a brief pause and I hear a very calming voice.  Jesus gets on the line and says, "follow me."

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9: 23

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within.......I surrender....

For the past week I have had the words to the song "Surrender" rolling around in my head. And to be honest I thought about what it would mean when I truly surrender it all to Him. To give God my heart completely. To lay down my life my dreams, my pride and all my rights just to have the promise of a new life. A life filled with God's grace, love and indescribable peace and joy. I had a moment where I realized that, in order for me to have the love relationship that my king wants, I have to make some BIG changes. He doesn't want just my empty moments. He wants my every moment. He wants to share in ALL my joy and pain. And He wants to be there to laugh with me and cry with me. He desires to be my All in All, & my one and only. He wants me to run to Him when my world is turned upside down. He doesn't what to share the role of King of my heart. His desire is for me to want this for our relationship as well. And to let the true character of my light shine through. To allow myself to be vulnerable, completely exposed for all to see. The reality of this relationship seemed more than a bit uncomfortable. "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

I am attempting to define my relationship with God. And what it truly means to lay it all down and be a follower of Christ. That's right relationship not my religion. Webster's defines Relationship as : the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a :kinship or specific instance or type of kinship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings (had a good relationship with his family); a romantic or passionate attachment. God wants to have an intimate relationship with me, a passionate attachment. But before I can even begin to define my relationship with this King of my heart, I need to understand where my faith is in Him. Is my faith more about honoring my heritage and family traditions than surrendering my heart and being interrelated with my God.

Am I a Sadducee, existing in an aristocratic state of mind and not fully understanding my role in this relationship with my King? Am I so puffed up that I cannot see or feel the true love of my Savior? Sadducees were more concerned with politics than religion/relationship. They tended to be wealthy and held powerful positions, including that of chief priests and high priest. They worked hard to keep the peace by agreeing with the decisions of Rome. The Sadducees goal was to preserve the authority of the written Word of God, especially the books of Moses. However, because of their wealth and power, they were extremely self-sufficient to the point of denying God's involvement in everyday life. There was no penalty or reward after their earthly life. How Sad....you see.

Am I the Pharisee who spends hours committing to memory the rules and regulations, saying and doing all the right things because of these guidelines? When I am memorizing scripture it is a beautiful thing. But surely it is empty without gratitude in my heart for my Savior. Religiously, the Pharisees accepted the written Word as inspired by God. But they also gave equal authority to tradition. The pharisees defended this idea by saying it went all the way back to Moses, these traditions added to God's Word, which is forbidden ( "Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the LORD your God that I give you." Deuteronomy 4:2) They remained true to God's Word in reference to some doctrines. They believed that God controlled all things, yet our free will and our independent decisions contribute to the course of life. They believed in the resurrection of the dead. And they believed in an afterlife, with appropriate reward and/or punishment on an individual. The Pharisees sought to equally and strictly obey traditions along with the Old Testament. Trying to be fair... I see.

Am I able to categorize my relationship to be something outside of those two "boxes"? I want so much more than just a "religious" relationship. I believe that God is the creator of all things. I don't believe that I am just existing to exist. I know that God has set out a great purpose for my life. And I know that His love for me is greater than any love I could ever imagine. And it's more incredible than any love another individual could give to me. He is unconditional. He waits patiently for me every minute of every day. And His heart is filled with joy when I finally arrive. I pray that I grow more and more like Him. I want so much to be a reflection of Him amazing grace. I fall short. Majorly short. I want to be that follower that clings to the hem of His garment because I want to be just that close. Better yet a child, who has no fear of what people will say, do or think, that I just push through the crowd and run into his arms and allow Him to carry me.

I am so caught up in my own little world. Sometimes, I am so full of these "what about me?" moments, I forget why it is that I am here. "And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."(Romans 8 27-28). God knows my heart better than I know my own heart. I have a growing desire to know God's heart for me more than ever. I want so much more than just a one sided....His side....relationship. I pray for the courage to surrender it ALL and allow Him to rule in my heart, mind and actions. 

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

"Your salt depends upon the character of your light"

What is my purpose in this life? What am I living for? Do I live from day to day just letting the seconds unfold without direction. Am I just surviving and looking out for me, myself and I. Or is there something more to this life. Am I here to make a difference in the lives of my family, friends, and others? God has a plan and a purpose for my life. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The wedding day is almost here.  In less than 24 hours, we will all be a family.  As Sarah and Duane become one through marriage tomorrow, our families become linked.  Last night for me was symbolic.  The families all coming together and laughing crying and preparing for this great day.  Each one has a purpose in this expanding family. But again I ask...what is my purpose?  Where is my place? Am I an arm, a hand, a finger or a finger nail? Each part has a purpose.  Even in those moments when I may feel insignificant, I am reminded that even the finger nail has a purpose. Just because I am a "step" parent doesn't mean my role is less important in this family.  Because I am not a biological parent doesn't meant I have to be on the outside looking in.  I am discovering a lot about who I am.  I know this for sure I am a kid of the Most High.  I know that as each day unfolds more of my purpose is revealed.  When I feel I lack purpose, it's because I am forgetting that I am not supposed to be doing this for me. That in everything I do I am to be giving all glory to God.  "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,  and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,  while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,  so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.." 1 Corinthians 12-26

This family, is not only like a body with many parts, it's like a a big pot of slow cooking a stew.  There are many different ingredients.  We have savory, sweet, bitter, sour and salty.  And each ingredient has a specific time it needs to be added.  When my kids were little I would remind them every morning as they left the house, to go out into the world and be salt and be a light.  For the most part they have done their best.  I have seen the effects of salt and light in this new pot of stew, family, that is simmering.  I know that as each new day dawns, I may have a new purpose and be a different ingredient.  I am a servant.  And I pray that my heart stays lit and constantly glows. I praise God for each member of this expanding family.  I am overwhelmed with joy to see the light in each person's heart.  "Your salt depends upon the character of your light" ~Charles Swindoll.

God has given each person a gift. For some it's being a servant, or a teacher, or a talker,or a listener,or an artist,or a chef, etc.... We all have a purpose. And God has a plan. "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work." 1 Corinthians 12:4-6

True love is superglue

This morning I have been reflecting on marriage. And praising God for allowing me to have a second chance at being a wife. Scripture tells us that love is patient, kind , it isn't jealous and doesn't boast. In all honesty I often lack patients And sometimes my words aren't so kind. And yes, I have some puffed up moments now and then. But, God has blessed my life with a husband that is willing to accept me for the crazy me I am.

In just a few days my inherited daughter and soon to be son-in-law will be walking down the isle to say I do. And I have been praying for this precious couple. I know God sees their hearts for each other. And I pray that as they begin this journey as husband and wife they continue to grow in their love. I pray that they have the desire to have compassion for each other. To be humble and gentle in all circumstances. And that they both find courage to forgive whatever needs forgiving and wisdom to understand their differences. Just like the bands of gold they will place on each others fingers as they pledge their love, marriage is a forever circle of life's most important relationships. They will become and remain each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And will discover that love is superglue.

I am thankful that the experiences of the past haven't tainted the step of the future. Divorce is an ugly thing. And, unfortunately, my children, biological and inherited, are all a product of the big "D" word. When Greg and I got married it wasn't just the two becoming one. It was a whole crew. I had three precious gems to contribute from my first marriage. And Greg had two from his. I had been single and raising my three on my own for a few years. And the same with Greg. So we had to be very strong in our commitment to each other. And in the process we also had to define true love for our children. Which is hard to do when they are confused.

A second marriage, with children, takes a whole lot of love. I didn't realize that I would not only be a wife, mom, and step-monster but I would become a fireman too. Putting two families together is like putting a match box close to a fire. Eventually sparks are going to ignite. And throughout the course of our marriage there have been quite a few fires. To be honest, I often look back at those fires and praise God for His faithfulness. The family did a lot of growing. For Greg and I, our love for each other was and is constantly being tested. Our children know that not only do we love each other. But we love each one of them. They have been a part of our union since the very beginning with there hands on the pulse of our relationship. We wanted their input on our wedding and our future as a family . It wasn't easy for any of us. Greg and I did what we thought was best for the whole crew. There were and are moments when the stress and fear was and still is so great. But God is ever present. Two families becoming one. I love that our children know that, whether it be a financial need or emotional need, we will do anything for them. As each child grows and goes in their own direction I pray that the love they have witnessed in this crazy house will be branded on their hearts forever. We aren't even close to being the well adjusted and put together "Brady Bunch". But we have love. Yes, we still have "water and oil" moments. But, together with a pinch of love, sometimes that makes a good dressing.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment it is the willingness of two people to come together in search of the best. And the desire to bring it out in one another. It encourages and develops the newness of life. Marriage offers opportunities to share and grow in ways that no other relationship can compare. It is an emotional and physical connection that is a promise of a lifetime. This union deepens and enriches every life experience. Commitment to each other is stronger than ever before. Your memories are much more vivid. Happiness is more abounding. Even the level of anger seem more passionate, however forgiveness come more rapidly. Mistakes are unavoidable this is why communication is so important. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." ~Ephesians 4:2-3 Understanding and forgiveness are virtues that are like glue. Together they create a bind that holds them closer than any spoken or written words. "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity."  ~ Colossians 3:14

Marriage is a promise before God, made in the hearts of two people who love each other. It is a covenant that takes a lifetime to fulfill. And I am thankful for the lifetime that has been provided.

His purpose.....that's right His purpose not mine...there's order even in the disorder.

There is an order even in the disorder.  I know that when I put God first things seem to be a bit easier.  But in reality I only put him first when it works best for me.  You know what I am talking about.  In the morning when I wake up and there is that moment when everything is quiet.  No distraction.  Just silence.  That is when it is the most convenient for this brat of the King.  Yep, I don't even take into consideration how He longs for me to spend time just to get more acquainted.

God only requires that I love Love Him and accept the amazing gift He has given.  He waits patiently for me to discover how awesome a life of obedience in Him could be.  There is this instruction manual.  It's called the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (bible). There are moments I feel myself holding my hands over my eyes because the instructions don't seem to fit my sinful life. So what if the instructions say to "Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature; sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed."  and wait there is still more, "now you must rid yourself of anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips.  You cannot lie to anyone not a single person."  I don't always want the truth to penetrate my heart.  I often get paper cuts, from trying to skim over the pages of this guide for daily living, so that I can get to the easy to follow instructions.  You know....the instructions that are comfortable and natural to this sin natured child. How safe it is to open up my beloved instruction manual and read only what I want to hear. 

This past Sunday morning God planted Romans 8:28 on my mind.  I love the book of Romans so I was excited to get up and come sit at His feet for a sweet cup of grace.  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." His purpose.....that's right His purpose not mine.  Now, He had my attention.  And I began to pray that He would give me a greater understanding of that "purpose" He has for me. After reading Romans 8, I found myself flipping ahead a few pages and landed at the book of Colossians.In a few weeks my inherited daughter is getting married.  a portion of Colossians will be read at their ceremony.  So, I didn't think it was odd that this is where I landed. It is easy for me to look up a verse that gives that warm fuzzy feeling.  The first chapter starts off with God's desire for me to ask Him to fill me with  the knowledge of His will through all the spiritual wisdom and understanding. We need this wisdom and knowledge so that we are equipped with the tools we need to live a fruit bearing life. As I continued to sit at His feet (which isn't always an easy instruction for me to follow),   I heard Him say that I am one of His "chosen people, holy and dearly loved.  I am commanded to be virtuous, having compassion, kindness, humility, and to be graceful and patient.  But most importantly to love.  Because love binds these virtues together in perfect unity".  Colossians is a pretty powerful book.  Packed with instruction.  Rules help us to keep things in order. But I know that I must look at ALL the instructions and not just flip to the concordance/index and chose the easy to read version.

I call myself a follower of Christ a.k.a. kid of the King, wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend, coworker, neighbor, acquaintance, and stranger.  And if I sat here long enough I could add a few more titles to my list.   I am realizing that I need to put my list/crazy life into some semblance of order. I will be the first to  tell you, I am not the easiest person when I am feeling overwhelmed. And in all reality I can't stand myself when I don't have order. 2 Corinthians 10:5  tells us to.... "take every though captive and make it obedient to Christ".  And in doing just that it will bring clarity and prevent frustration and that feeling of being overwhelmed. Obedience brings order.  And following God's instruction will bring me to a place of congruency between the head and the heart. Yes, there is order even in my disorder.....when I put my King first.

" Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing  psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him". 

What me worry?........Anxiety leads to stress and stress to anxiety....

I have to say that I don't normally consider myself a worrier or some one who is overwhelmed with anxiety.  But I recently discovered that deep within I have the ability to be one of the biggest culprits of this condition.  In Philippians 4 we are instructed to  "Be anxious about nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."  Okay, sounds pretty simple.  So why is it that I still worry about silly things like....."did I remember to feed the animals" (And by animals I do mean the cat and the dog.....not the kids) It is our human nature to second guess.  We are human after all.  And in being human we certainly aren't perfect.

Recently I was asked what I thought was God's definition of peaceful.  Well that seemed like an easy thing for me to answer.  I thought about when my kids were little.  We didn't have much money, so I tried to save energy by using candles instead of turning on the lights.  For a few years our living room didn't even have a lamp.  I called this room the "tranquility room".  I spent many nights reading His word by candle light and being "still".  So my initial answer to this question was the "tranquility room".  Those quiet moments when there is no ciaos around.

 I then read a story, which took the "tranquility room" to a new level, about two artists that were asked to paint a picture of peace as they perceived it.  One painted a quiet lake far back in the mountains.  The other, a picture of a raging waterfall which had a tree leaning over it with a bird resting in a nest on one of the extended branches.  The artist who depicted peace as the waterfall and the bird showed the true idea of peace in God.  You see there is no peace without opposition.

We often think that life as a believer should be simple and easy.  Well that my friend is wrong thinking.  If life was a walk on "Easy Street" there would be no purpose for God in our lives. I know that I tend to forget about my quiet devotion when life is going according to my plan.  You know what I am talking about.  You wake up in the morning and the birds are chirping.  The sun in shining. and the temperature outside has never been more perfect. You get out of bed and pretty much the whole day just goes better than expected. But once that road block comes into play it seems like my whole world gets turned upside down.  I realize that I made a wrong turn and ended up on "Arduous Avenue".

Funny thing is as I try to avoid the road blocks in my life it seems like more and more traffic appears. And by the time I get home I am looking forward to the "tranquility room". God wants me to lay it all down at His feet.  Those road blocks were placed there by Him.  He wants me to slow down and trust in Him.  He'll get me to my destination.  God is never early.  He is never late. He is always on time.   In Romans 8:28 God reveals that "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to his purpose."  Now that is comforting to know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life.

Anxiety leads to stress and stress leads to anxiety.  Both of these emotions prevent us from " the peace of God, which passes all understanding"  Once we cast all of our cares, anxiety, stress and negative emotion on Him, We will discover the peace of God.  It is this peace that "shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6, 7

I don't want to just click the "like" button on the Jesus fan page.

So, I have been on this journey of the heart over the past few week. It hasn't been an easy one either. I have gone through some really dark and scary places. And while on this journey I came to a spot where I began to question what I was. Who am I? Am I a fan or am I a follower? Difficult question. And the answers were quite complex.

For a majority of my life I have given myself the title of Christian. And here I sit today evaluating my heart. According to wikipedia, the greek word Χριστιανός (christianos)—meaning "follower of Christ"— comes from Χριστός (christos)—meaning "anointed one"— with an adjectival ending borrowed from the Latin to denote adhering to, or even belonging to, as in slave ownership.

Again, I ask myself if I am a fan or a follower. How much of myself have I truly surrendered? "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sister, yea, and his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26. The first time I read this verse I thought that these word seemed so contradictory to what Christ taught. He said that one of the two greatest commandments was,"Love your neighbor as yourself." And our family is the closest neighbor we have. I wake up every morning and straighten up my neighbors mess. I even make a pot of coffee for my neighbors. I wake them up and tell them I love them too. So, you can see why Luke 14:26 confused me.

I prayed for direction as I started to study this verse. I began to realize, that at the time Christ spoke these words, it wasn't the most popular thing to be a christian. Most people who followed Christ were disowned and outcasted. Even Nicodemus met with Christ in the dark because he was afraid of how the other members of the Sanhedrin would react to this friendship. And, most importantly, what they would say about him. And if they would have hatred in their hearts towards him and make him an outcast. Is this where my heart is? Am I only willing to meet Him in the dark? Am I afraid that my family, friends and the world will think I am strange because I want to lay it all down for my Savior? Who, by the way, laid it ALL down for me. He knows my heart. And He is still willing to acknowledge me before His Father. So, why is it often difficult to acknowledge Him before the world?

To be a follower is my hearts desire. But I am always getting side tracked. The world is flashy and full of exciting things. Sin seems to be so much fun (at least when you are in the moment). And there are times when I am so broken by my inability to be a faithful follower. In Lamentations 3: 22-24 we are told about one of God's precious gifts, GRACE. It is only because of this grace that I am able to get close to my Heavenly Father. "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." We live in a world where most "christians" live by the "sinner saved by grace" mentality. In Romans 6:1 Paul poses this question, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" As a follower I don't want to take this amazing gift for granted.

I don't want to just click the "like" button on the Jesus fan page. I want to be so much more than a fan. I want the whole world to see an individual that loves Jesus. To be a fan is okay. It is wonderful to have the scripture memorized. To know the stats of each book. To even know the play by play. But I want more than that. I don't want to hold back. I want to be His hands and His feet. A slave for Christ. I want to know His heart for me. I want to know Him more and more each day. I want to run into his arms when life is crazy and out of control. A fan leaves when the going gets tough but a follower will stay regardless of the reward.