Congested with His Grace and Love

Sometimes life goes the way we orchestrate it and sometimes it goes from being a sweet melody to a loud drum solo.  Do you remember Animal from The Muppets? Well these past two weeks were more like one of his drum solos. Out of control!

Two weeks ago, on Sunday, was the most normal day I can remember up until today.  I woke up had my coffee and began the day.  I knew that I would be going to work after church so I got a head start on dinner.  I love the crock pot.  Stew was on and I was on my way out the door.  Service was beautiful.  And work was nuts.  I got home well after 5pm and the family was already there hungry for the crock pot feast.  We ate and watched football and a little comedy on t.v..  I was tired early so once everyone was gone I settled down for the night.  Monday morning arrived and I woke up feeling a little "under the weather".  As the week progressed my head got more and more congested. And the drum solo began.

The first few days I woke up at my normal 3am every morning and prayed and feasted on God's word.  I always know when He has a message for me. He has a soft whisper as He gently awakens me and draws me to His feet. I found myself praying for wisdom, abundant grace and clarity.   As I began to prayed for wisdom God directed me to the book of Romans.  I felt my heart skip a beat.  There have been multiple times throughout my life that God has used this book as an instruction manual to guide me through a phase in my life.  He faithfully placed His word on my heart.  I grabbed my Kindle and dimmed the screen, pulled the covers over my head and read.  Feeling filled with grace I would start each new.  And by the end of the day I felt depleted and defeated.  I lost my temper on the phone with my west coast kid. Felt grumpy because my head was overwhelmed with nonsensical stuff.  And wasn't feeling all that joyful, wise or clear.

With each passing day I felt sicker than the day before.  As another work week was coming to and end I dreamed of on a quiet Saturday morning of sleeping in late. And I would eventually get up to start my cleaning, cooking and blogging.  Instead I woke up with a new symptom to add to the sore throat and headache. The stomach decided to join the band. So I laid on the couch.  And periodically got up and did a chore or two.  Greg worked in the morning and I knew I had to prepare for the sweet adventures of our day.  God has an amazing way of giving me just what when I need it.  And sometimes I think He thinks too much of me. Greg and I went out to seek an adventure.  We hadn't seen each other all week due to our conflicting work schedules. We tried to look for a Christmas Tree. I was a mess, grumpy and exhausted.  The "drums" were playing so loud in my head I couldn't even think.  I had been restless and coughing so much that I was getting on my own nerves.  So we headed to the pharmacy in search of a remedy for my illness and picked up every product that I could think of to clear my head.  And back to the couch we went.

Sunday morning arrived and I was feeling more horrible than ever.  I prayed for healing.  And felt compelled to go to urgent care.  I went got treated and headed back home to the couch.  Greg was working another 18 hour shift.  He called the kids and said, "No Sunday dinner tonight."  And I made myself chicken soup. And just rested.

 As I laid there on the couch I realized that I had been such a brat.  I asked to be filled with grace and God gave it to me.  And because I felt ill I neglected to share His overflowing grace with those around me.  I was short tempered all week and a bit self centered.  So, I knew where I needed to go.  It was time for me to sit in the palm of God's hand.  And for a little while I sat there comfortably and read some verses in Romans.  And as usual there He was. Comforting this brat.  Yes, God met me on the couch and comforted me.  You see He knew I need down time.  And I won't ever voluntarily take it.  So, there I was and He said, "Kathleen, you know that in all things I work for the good of those who love me.  And you may not fully understand why I have slowed you down.  But I do have a purpose." As I blew my nose and leaned over the sink, to administer the neti pot, I said, "Lord I will praise you in this "storm".  The "drums" have been so loud that my thought are hard to process.  I want to be congested with your grace and love.  I pray that you give me wisdom."  And once again I laid down for rest.

Another week passed by and the treatment that I had been prescribed at urgent care seemed to not be working.  After being prompted by some of the most caring and loving co-workers, I called my family doctor for an appointment.  I am not a fan of going to the doctor EVER.  But I know that my body is a temple.  And in order for me to faithfully be able to do what God has planned I need to get healthy.  God is merciful! And we are to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him. And once we are in the right frame of mind, body and health we are truly able to worship Him. I pray that when I get to this appointment that God will bless Dr. Paul with wisdom.  And that He would give me the grace I need to not be an impatient patient.

God has great plans.  And His promises are true.  My prayer for each of you this wee is that you will be filled abundantly with God's amazing grace.  And if you too are feeling "under the weather" that you feel God's healing hand upon you.  If your head is congested with the things of this world I suggest you take a journey on the Romans road.  Or perhaps you need to just take a moment and sit in the palm of His hand.

His Grace is Delicious...

The first few months of us becoming a "family" proved to be one of the biggest tests I had ever taken in my life up until 2003.  I thought going through a long drawn out divorce was difficult.  But this was by far my biggest challenge.  The emotions and personalities were so intense, that there were moments, I wasn't sure my second marriage would pass the test. God had a plan.  And because of His steadfast love I knew that this challenge was worth it. In Isaiah 43:2 God tells us that He will be with us through the waters we pass through, the rivers that pass over us, and the fires that surrounds us.  We will not be burned or swept over.  And so the journey continued...

The walls at O court were bursting at the seems.  We were filled to the brim. And there was a clear case of us suffering with multi-personality disorder.  We were quite the dysfunctional family.  My inherited daughters were whisperers and my biologicals were loud and outspoken.  My husband was a man of few words and I had lots of things to say.  There was a lot of give and take.  And some days there was more taking than giving from everyone.  And on top of all these personalities was this thing called expectation.  Expectation almost broke the blender. We all had our own idea of what ingredients were needed or not needed to make our "family".  For some it was all seven ingredients  and for others the number to be added was much smaller in size.

 It was our first full week as a new blended family. Greg had his daughters every other week.  And my children were with me 26 or more days out of the month. Ashley( age 17) was still home from college for a few more weeks for summer break.  And she seemed to be a bit more accepting of the new situation. Sarah (age 15) was still a bit reluctant and very rarely did I hear her speak. I knew that she was not too happy about her father and I getting married.  But I prayed continuously that God would give me the words to speak to her and Ashley that would help them feel comfortable. Kath (age 15) was sad because she was leaving the neighborhood that she loved but excited for the future.  Alyssa (age 12) was not thrilled at all with the arrangements.  She had to leave friends that she loved and a school that meant the world to her. She was very vocal and made it known that this was not where she wanted to live.  And then there was Christian ( age 9).  Mr. easy going and not a care in the world.  He seemed to be the comic relief or the peace maker. He truly was a silver lining for me most days.

Greg and I desperately wanted all five of the children to bond. The bedroom situation was addressed prior to the wedding.  Christian would be moving into the room that was once Sarah's bedroom.  Ashley and Alyssa would share Ashley's room.  And, because they were very close in age, we put Sarah and Kath into the family room that was converted into a bedroom.  And I wasn't surprised at all to find out that two of the girls were not happy about the sleeping arrangements.  I'll give you three guesses.  Sarah wanted to stay with Ashley and Alyssa wanted to stay with Kath. But Greg and I felt we made the best choice by blending them.  Christian was still happy of course.  He got his own room

One day Greg and I decided to go out and leave the children home to blend on their own.  We were nervous and excited at the same time.  I told Kath, Alyssa and Christian that they were going to be home alone with their new sisters.  And Greg told Ashley and Sarah. The most promising reaction I received was from Kath.  She was excited for multiple reasons.  The top reason was she finally getting to see what it would be like to have an older sister.  She had always been a big sister but never a little sister.  The weeks leading up to the wedding she would often share how excited she was to now have an older sister that she could bond with.  And this particular day she looked forward to not having to be "in charge" of the two youngest.  We were gone for a few hours and when we arrived home things seemed quiet.  But clearly there was still separation.   Mine to the right.  Greg's to the left. Operation "blend" seemed to have failed.

I prayed continuously throughout the days, weeks and months that followed for something to change.  My heart desired for us to be a family.  Again, expectations were overloading the blender.  Ashley returned to school.  And Sarah was left alone with the wild ones a.k.a my three children.  The divide didn't seem to be getting any better.  It actually seemed like we were all growing more distant with each other.  Kath and Alyssa felt that I chose Greg over them.  And Sarah made a decision to not go on our family honeymoon.

My heart was overwhelmed. Satan started to whisper in my ear that I was a failure. Reminding me that I certainly wasn't living up to my Proverb 31 expectations.  "She is clothed with dignity; she can laugh at the days to come"  I was losing my cool.  I found myself being clothed in self pity; and crying because I dreaded the days to come.  The future wasn't looking anything like the picture that I had painted in my head when I said, "Yes!" to Greg's proposal.

I knew that God's promises were true.  I continued to pray that God would bring this family together.  And that I would daily grow to be the Proverbs 31 wife, mom, and daughter He created me to be.  As I prayed and searched the handbook on life (the Bible) God began to give me nuggets of wisdom to speak to the children.  I knew that what I was instructing them to do was with the parameters of God's plan.  I prayed so hard and so much that God would reveal to me the heart of my children.  All five of my children.  And my heart again was overwhelmed.  You see He gave me insight into what was going on in each of their lives.  And as I watched over the affairs of their daily lives I saw them walking in a direction that wasn't so good.  They were whispering about each other behind each others backs.  My two girls to each other, me and their friends and his two girls to each other, him and their friends.  We all began to feast on the bread of idleness.
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After a few months of us not "blending" and eating bad bread we decided to try and have family meetings.  They didn't go so well.  It was just more opportunity for us to show off our apparent personalities.  The loud were loud and the silent remained silent.  Eventually the loud became bitter because nothing seemed to change. And the silent just grew more silent.  Greg and I seemed to be defending our biologicals. And there was a wedge forming.  It was becoming evident the we were not growing to be one team.  We needed to be united.  We were just like vinegar and oil. For a moment, the time we gathered as a family, we seemed to be blending.  But once the meeting adjourned again we separated and the divide was evident.  My heart seemed more and more overwhelmed after these meetings and Satan's lies were louder than my loudest child.  I came away feeling battered and torn. I knew that God had a plan.  It was just not that easy to see it in the beginning.

I prayed and prayed and prayed some more as the months pressed on.  And held on to the promise that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose. God is faithful!  I gradually began to see some changes. Yes, there was a light at the end of the tunnel!  Kath and Sarah were beginning to become "friends".  Every time I would see them interacting with each other it brought joy, great joy, to my heart.  Kath had accepted Sarah as her sister.  She introduced her as her sister to her friends and others.  They were no longer just room mates.  Eventually they became partners in crime.  She gained another younger, not by much, sister.  Although she wanted an older sister she was happy with gaining Sarah.  She was good at being a big sister.  So, it came naturally to her to be protective and caring.  Kath had been deeply hurt by words that were exchanged on that first day we left them all home together.  She never shared them with me at the time.  It wasn't until years later that she divulged this tidbit of information. And in retrospect I praise God for instilling forgiveness in Kath's heart.  And trust in Sarah's heart.  I believe it was because of their bond the blending became easier.

Even though there was progress, in the tasting kitchen,  I knew that we still had a long journey ahead of us.  But I also knew that God's would gently guide us into the blender every day that we shared as a family.  Our journey wasn't easy and the recipe was difficult to read. And yes we often had to improvise on the ingredients.  We still don't have the perfect family.  But our recipes that we created over the years are pretty delicious.

I pray that God would continue to bless and season our families every day.  And that we prayerfully wait for the outcome.  Nothing tastes good under cooked or over processed. And with God as the main ingredient how can it turn out wrong?  His grace is delicious and covers a multitude of wrong measurements.

All Too Soon the Clock Will Strike Midnight

Today is the day!

Our youngest daughter is on her way to a pumpkin patch in Doylestown ( None-Such-Farm) and her prince charming plans to get down on one knee and ask her to spend the rest of her life with him as his wife.

In 2013 Alyssa's life seemed to be transforming. God was pulling all the debris that was hindering her in her path out of the way.  And He began to show her the desires of her heart. She was in nursing school was getting excited about her future.  She started weeding out the people in her life that were tearing her down. And in place God was filling her life with people that wanted the best for her.  People who she thought were important became less important.  And others became a rock for her.  

 In April of that year I saw something remarkable in her smile.  Something I hadn't seen on her face in a few years.  Joy! Her eyes were gleaming and when she walked into the room she was glowing.  If you looked into her eyes you could see something was different. The month prior a young man, by the name of Michael, entered the scene.  It was his smile and polite nature that captured the heart of our youngest daughter. I remember the morning after they had locked eyes for the first time.  She was trying to be cool, calm and collected.  She had been on the phone with her girlfriend and I popped my head into her room to hear about her latest adventure with her friends.  As I sat on her bed she began to share with me the events of the night before. She wasn't going to go out but her friend convinced her to meet up for at little.  So she reluctantly went.  She walked in and in an instant started having conversation with her friend's friend Michael.  She gleamed as she continued to share how they talked all night.  During their conversation she found out that he was a little reluctant to go out that night as well.  They exchanged numbers.  And now she laid on her bed waiting and hoping that this guy would call or text her.  And he did!

In the weeks that followed every time she would talk about him I could see her heart grow.  In my head, and sometimes out loud, I caught myself singing the song from Cinderella, "so this is love", every time she entered the room. There were times she would come home and lay to the floor and talk about how wonderful Michael was.  And that she could't even find the words to explain the feelings she was feeling.  I said, "This is love.".  She replied, "It's too soon to be in love."  Oh want a silly girl.

Over the past few years we have watched the two of them grow together as a couple.  And on Friday, September 18th, at a little restaurant in Manayunk, Michael asked Greg and me for our daughters hand in marriage.  His words brought tears to my eyes as he expressed his love for Alyssa and how he wanted to be a part of our family.  We expressed that we knew from the beginning that God's hand was in their meeting.  And emphatically we gave him our approval.  

And here I am now.  Sitting in the palm of God's hand once more.  But this time for a much different reason.  I am prayerfully sitting, or pacing, in a place where God gives me peace.  I know that this day is going to be one of the most wonderful days in Alyssa's life.  And that tomorrow she and Michael will begin to plan for their big debut as Mr. and Mrs.Visco.  And I pray that they will find comfort in knowing that they have a lot of support.  I also pray that God would give them wisdom as discernment as they have some big and some not so big decision making ahead of them.

 As this day has progressed a song keeps playing over and over in my head.  Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella".  From the very first time I heard this song it made me think of my Dad and his great love for his children and grands. And I have to say that I am blessed to have married a man who has this same great love for his children and grands.  And I know that both of Alyssa's Dad's, Greg and Chris, and her Mom's, Denise and I, are all so proud of her. And we all love Michael too.  The last verse in the song is why it's been resounding in my head.  "But she came home today with a ring on her hand.  Just glowing and telling us all they had planned.  She says, "Dad, the weddings still six months away but I need to practice my dancing. Oh please Daddy please"  So, I'll dance with Cinderella while she is hear in my arm.  Cause I know something the prince never knew.  Oh I'll dance with Cinderella.  I don't want to miss even one song.  Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight.  And she'll be gone."  I am overjoyed, overwhelmed and filled with great anticipation because today is the day my Cinderella come home with a ring on her hand.  It's funny how Michael has so many qualities that remind me of my Dad, and also Greg and Chris.  Alyssa is truly going to be a blessed woman.


Still waiting with great anticipation for the call.

Out of The Blender. The Recipe of Our Life

In December of 2002 I was asked a very important question.  And I gave a life changing answer.  My life up until that point was much different. I was a single mom of three pretty spectacular children.  Two girls and one boy.  We were pretty comfortable being a quartet.  Life wasn't easy.  But we loved the silly adventures and lessons God blessed us with.  The four of us grew up together.  Daily we found ourselves seeking God's plan and provisions.  And my answer to the big question would turn this quartet into septet in June of 2003.

The months leading up to our big day were packed with emotions.  Some good and some not so good.  There were moments of excitement and moments of reluctance.  We were about to pour the ingredients of two very different meals into one blender and create a new recipe for our lives. My children and I started packing up our ingredients. While Greg's girls tried to make room.  We brought some boxes over to our future home a little at a time.  And it was becoming clear that some of our ingredients were leaving a bitter aroma in the home that was, up until now, occupied by a trio.  We hadn't even unpacked the boxes and there was a small chemical reaction.  It seemed that my future daughters and my youngest daughter were not to excited about the prospect of the blender. But this would take time.  And I prayed that God would give me the wisdom to know how much of each ingredient to add.  And the right time to add them.

All of the children were involved in the meal planning from the beginning.  My husband and I thought that it was important that they had a hand in preparing the feast.  On the surface they all seemed to want to be involved.  But initially, deep in their core, some of the kids had no desire to partake in the recipes end result.  And at times added a bit too much salt.  Making it a very difficult meal to eat.

The blending day arrived.  And when I look back at the pictures it is evident who had joyful savory ingredients and who had a brackish but bitter-sweet element in their hearts that first day. We celebrated our union with family and friends. We danced, ate and had a fun day.  Afterwards the kids went to stay with their other parents for a week while Greg and I went on our honeymoon.  And one week later the quartet moved into the trios home.  Greg and I tried our best to make the septet sing in harmony.  It wasn't very melodious.  Tension began to grow as we dumped ourselves and pushed the children (some needed a gentle push and others a bit of a heave ho) into the blender. We hit the button and hoped for the best.

Our initial recipe was awful.  There was a lot of crying and frustration.  It just had a very astringent flavor. And the ingredients began to separate the instant the blades stopped blending.   Something was wrong.  An ingredient was missing.  You see we forgot to add the most important ingredient of all.  God wasn't invited into the blender.  So, there we were.  Five very traumatized children. And two heartbroken parents.  We wanted so desperately for our children to want to be a part of this, the recipe of our life.  We knew it was going to take a lot to convince them to willfully go back into the blender. I remember praying every morning and night that my "family" would come together. I am still, to this very day, praying this very same prayer.  Being a family takes a lot of work and perseverance.  God has been faithful in bringing healing and restoration to my septet.  We have all been wounded by the blades and each other.  But one thing I know for sure is that we wouldn't be where we are today if it wasn't for some of our disastrous first experimental recipes.

Recently, the Lord placed on my heart that it was time for me to share the blender recipes from O. Court with my community.  In this day in age there seems to be a lot of blended or not so blended families out there.  And I pray that over the next few weeks/months.  That my septets recipes help you in your journey in becoming a well balanced blended family.  I am not sure exactly how God wants me to share.  But I know that He will provide the time and the place. Please pray for me as I will put my family and myself out there and invite you into our hearts.  I hope you enjoy the stories about the meals that came out of our blender. The recipes of our life.

Turn Left.....Turn Left....Recalculating

The road of life certainly has a lot of twists and turns.  I  have made a lot right turns and, more than I care to admit, wrong turns in my life.  But each time I eventually find myself getting back on track. I try to stay focused.  I know the destination.  It's the Mountains that I must climb, the valleys I must walk, the deserts that I crawl, and the forests that I wrestle through that cause me to get redirected.  But all of these elements create the story of my life.

In this day in age most people have a GPS.  I have three.  One in my car.  I have an application on my phone.  And then there is the one in my head.  Like most normal people I begin my journey with a plan.  I have a starting point and a destination.  I know where I am but I need to map out where I am headed to.  So, I plug the address into the three devices.  And about 50% of the time the car and the phone are congruent with the path.  My head has a slightly different perspective.  I gather the necessities for the trip and start the journey.  In the beginning the surroundings are quite familiar.  So, I trust the direction the GPS's are taking me.  But when I cross the boarder of knowledge into the land of the unknown my confidence is shaken. And the GPS that is in my head takes over.  And this is why a 3 hour trip takes me 7 hours.  I hear, "In 0.2 miles turn left.....turn left.....recalculating." quite often.  I try to look at the map and follow the turns but I then begin to doubt if I I am turning at the right spot. I think that doesn't look right. (Possibly, because I forgot my glasses.)  And I either turn too soon or pass the turning point. And the journey grows a few minute longer with each wrong turn.  Recalculating.

We all have a journey. Or I like to think of it as a calling or a pilgrimage.  Some have a very clear idea of where they are going.  And others, me for example, have a hard time getting there because I am too busy trying to get there on my own.  God has a plan for each of us.  As we learn to trust in Him and follow Him He will then reveal to us the true nature of our design.  And He will "give us the desires of our heart" along the way.  If we focus(remember to wear our glasses) He will direct our path and reveal His beautiful intentions for our journey.  What we were created to do is deeply rooted in the desires of our heart.  Think about the things that you do right now that bring great joy to your heart.  That's right.  What gives you joy?  You may have a list of things.  Or perhaps you are feeling a bit perplexed.  Whatever state you are in just remember that God has a plan.  And He WILL give you the desires of your heart.  Even if it isn't clear yet, and you are making wrong turns, God has the journey mapped out.  "It is God who is producing in you the ability to do what pleases Him" ~Phil. 2:13  What we were designed to do or called to do is what brings us joy.

As I sit here this morning.  I am still praying that God will give me the desires of my heart. But to be honest I am not always certain what the desires of my heart truly are. Sometimes I am too caught up in where I am that I get complacent. I lose sight of what gives my heart joy.  When our hearts are in the right place God begins to create in us both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him. I have made five job changes over the course of my adult life.  And the one thing about each of those jobs, that seemed to be congruent, is that I was able to love and care for others.  This truly gives me great joy.  My heart is happy when I am put into situations where I can serve others.  Often I put others ahead of myself so much that I forget that I am on a journey too.  God has always made it very clear to me that I was either in the right place or that I made a wrong turn.  And there have been times that I stayed far too long in a place that I was just supposed to pass through because I was fearful of driving through a storm. As a result some jobs have robbed me of my joy. However, just like grace, God has continually replenished my joy, aka the desire of my heart, daily.  He wants us to have all the desires of our heart. And He will provide a way for us to have them. As long as they are fitting in His plan for your journey. We will pass through many places, seasons and situations.  Each of these is part of the journey to get to the final destination.

I pray the you all search your hearts this week.  And pray that our Relentless God will bless you abundantly with the desires of your heart.

Ask, seek, knock.....

What an adventurous week this past one was.  A short work week that seemed unusually long.  Followed by a weekend spent with some of the most beautiful women in my life.  And now I am home sitting in my usual spot praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me in putting my thoughts from this week and weekend into this post.

I guess the best way to describe life is that it is an adventure.  Your adventure can either be a safe trip to the grocery store. Plotting out your purchases and traveling up and down each isle gathering the items on your list.  Each item has it's spot and each spot has it's item.  Occasionally an item may be found in a spot that it doesn't belong.  Perhaps it was left there by the misguided shopper before you.  Or your adventure might be more like a treasure hunt.  You have a list of items, a map and the hunt begins.

I like to think of my life as more like a treasure hunt.  In Matthew 7: 7-8 Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."  And if you have ever gone on a road trip with me you know that, even if the directions are supplied, I tend to turn when I am not supposed to.  And a trip that should have been 3 hours becomes a 7 hour tour.  Yes, I have a GPS.  But I have this horrible habit of doubting the directions it offers.  

This past Friday my cousin Jane and I drove together to OCNJ for our cousins weekend.  We got in the car with our "Thelma and Louise" scarves on and the wind blowing in our hair.  The journey had begun.  I set the GPS and made a plan to follow it's direction.  We made it to our destination 30 minutes later than the GPS had originally predicted.  My fault completely.  I kept saying, "Hmmmmm, this doesn't look familiar to me."  And a few times Jane had to use her charming smile to get another driver to let us into their lane.  I have to admit I am thankful she was my copilot.  Because if she wasn't there I might still be on the road trying to find my way to the beach.  I find that my life as a Christian woman is much like my road trips.  God supplies me with the map.  Gives me guidance. And I still manage to get off the path. It's called lack of faith.

I wish I had the faith of a child.  Usually on a Sunday I grab a basket and take my granddaughter out to our little garden in the back yard.  She loves to pick the vegetables and herbs. She gets most excited about the cherry tomatoes. Her smile and joy grow with each of these tasty treasures she finds.  She picks it and asks, "Grandma, can I eat this?"  Most of the time she has eaten her harvested veggies before we get back in the house.  She does things a little backwards.  She knocks on the door, seeks and then asks.  She is persistent in the search and is certain that she is going to find some delicious morsels. And she never lacks faith the there will be more tomatoes, herbs and veggies for her to pick week after week.  I praise God for her example of faith.  But sadly I have to admit that, as an adult, this faith and ability to ask, seek and knock often diminishes or becomes less and less frequent. I pray that my desire to seek Him first remains consistent.   And that I don't just ask, seek and knock when life becomes more like an obstacle course. Just like my little angel,  aka three year old granddaughter, God desires for me to be persistent with my wants need and desires. As a result He will show us the true desires of our heart.

I am not 100% sure of what my calling is in this thing called life.  But I know that He is faithful and that He has a plan for my life.  His promises are true.  So, like I said last week, I am not sure what direction I am going.  I pray that God will continue to guide me and that I will stop hesitating and turning down the wrong road.  I pray that we all become more persistent in asking Him to give us the desires of our heart; seeking His calling on our lives and knocking until the door of opportunity is wide open.

   

Where you invest your love.....

What next? What direction do I go now that the net has been dropped.  And how do I know for sure that this is God's calling on my life?

I spent the last few nights praying for direction.  Honestly I am feeling a little blank.  I am not very good at sitting still.  Perhaps this is the Martha in me.  However, the past few weeks have been a process of learning to sit still and bask in God's love and grace.  With that being said I will attempt to be still and patiently wait for His call. Not that is will be difficult this week as I blog from hotel room in Oceanside, Ca.  The sound of the waves, and not to mention the view, is captivating.   I am feeling very blessed and trying to be still

I feel almost as if the "honeymoon" has come to an abrupt end.  This is really the best way I can describe the thoughts that are running through my mind.  I remember the incredible overwhelming feeling of being filled with the knowledge of God's grace and forgiveness when I first accepted Jesus as Lord of my life.  I was like a newly wed bride.  I felt this amazing glow in my heart.  And butterflies in my stomach. I am pretty certain that people around me knew that there was something different about me.  I had been remade.  I was new. I spent any and all of my free and not so free time seeking to know God more.  So what happened over the past 22 years?  Did my love fade?  Or just morph into something different? Had I become complacent in my relationship with my Beloved? I would have to say a little of each. And I feel so blessed that, through the help of Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love", my love has been reignited.  I pray that being madly in love with my Creator, Bridegroom and Lord will never fade or be taken for granted again. As I prepare for the journey ahead I have this blessed assurance that He will be a constant.  No matter what lies ahead He will have it all under control.

Last week my husband, Greg, and I talked a lot about God's faithfulness and His provisions. Our Heavenly Father is consistently blessing our lives with grace and mercy.  Our conversation began, or should I say revisited, with this being the year of Jubilee, In Deuteronomy 15 we are told, "that at the end of every seven years thou shalt make a release".  Or in other words all debts are to be forgiven.  Wiped clean.  And looking back in history it is crazy what occurred on Elul 29 in 2001 and 2008, This date falls, on the Jewish calendar, the day before rosh hashanah.   The stock market took a devastating dive both times.  And here we are 2015 the "Year of Jubilee".  So, what do we do with this knowledge.  Live in fear of the"what next"?  Absolutely not!  God has it all under control.  He has my life in His hands.  God clearly wants us to be good stewards over our finances.  "Every good and perfect gift comes from God"~James 1:17. As our conversation continued we discussed our options and our discussion delayed our initial decision.  Within a few days the stock market took a hit and we lost a nice chunk of change.  Well this was exactly the push we needed to jump start our next move.  We sat down and prayerfully moved our remaining funds into more secure investments.  After all it would be foolish not to listen to God's direction.

Funny how songs have a way of creeping into our thoughts.  And once again  a song resounds in my head. Anyway the song is called "Awake my soul" by Mumford and Sons. The lyrics that keep playing over and over in my head are; "Where you invest your love, you invest your life." Where am I investing my love "stock"?  God requires me to be 100% invested in Him.  All or nothing.  No fear. No hesitation.  I cannot be invested in the things this world has to offer and invest in God at the same time.  They contradict each other. The world may have moments of high return but that market will inevitably crash.  It certainly is not a secure investment. Heaven, on the other hand, has a much better rate of return.

Why is it so difficult to "drop my net" and invest all of my love in Him and the calling on my life?  Greed, selfish desires, fear, etc...  I have seen His faithfulness in my life.  His hand of provision, even when I doubted Him, has always been abundant.  I know deep in my heart that I am safe in His company.  I pray that as my relationship continues to grow deeper and deeper with Him that my fear, greed and selfishness will take on new form. And that they will be transformed into generosity, selflessness, and assurance.  "To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immorality, He will give eternal life.  But those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.  There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first the Jew, then for the Gentile; but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.  For God does not show favoritism." ~ Romans 2: 7-11.   There is a life of glory, honor and assurance of an eternity spent with God that He offers and calls us to seek. God promises eternal life to those who keep on doing good and seek after glory and honor. And through Him and the power of the Holy Spirit we will begin to find and live out the life we were created to live.

I am confident that if we continue to invest our love in His our live will become worthy of His glory.

"Now with God's help I shall become myself" ~ Soren Kierkegaard.