Welcome to 2019...In Pursuit of Perfection

As I sit here in my very quiet house I have been reflecting on the concept of "New Year Resolutions".  Every year as the count down begins we go around the table with our family, friends, acquaintances, and even complete strangers and talk about what we resolve to do with our lives over the course of the newly presented year.  And once the ball drops we begin that crazy pursuit of perfection.

When I was younger a very wise individual told me that when we do the same thing over and over, while achieving the same misguided result, it's a sign of insanity. Going back in my mind for as long as I can remember I have made resolutions and failed in one way or another.  I have given up some resolutions before I even gave them the opportunity to stick.  Last year I resolved to not have any resolutions.  You would think that was an infallible plan.  Nope, I still made resolutions (I called them "promises"...such trickery) that I couldn't keep.  Why do we do this to ourselves every year?  The truth is that we are all striving to be a better version of the person that we are today.  We make big plans.  While some of us are very successful at resolutions there are those of us (mainly me) who sometimes fail the smallest of resolutions.  I am truly on the path of insanity (and not the workout video's)

What causes me to push my resolutions aside?  The hiccups and fear.  In my mind I have a picture of how my plan will look in the end.  Let's take my 2016 resolution for example.  That year I resolved that I would finally take the steps to publish a children's book that I had written a few years back. It's a cute little story that I have read to my children, grandchildren and on occasion other little's in my life. And they all enjoyed the story and illustrations (colored by many of the children mentioned) I just needed to make a few calls. Well I did make a few calls and got a bunch of quotes.  And then the hiccups impolitely intruded in on the plan.  I conjured up multiple excuses as to why I couldn't do it.  The cost was monetarily high and my emotions were high as well. Bottom line I lacked faith.  I didn't feel that my story was "perfect" enough.  So, these hiccups caused me to once again put my resolution on that back burner. 

I find that when I am in that "pursuit of perfection" state of mind I often feel paralyzed.  Paralysis by analysis.  Why do I give up when I don't feel that I am doing things at the level of perfection that I believe others expect?  God does not require me to be perfect. In Romans 3:10 God reminds me that no one is perfect.  He comforts me with the loving words of a Heavenly Father in 2 Corinthians 12:9.  In my weaknesses, failures, hiccups, and unfinished resolutions He is there.  His desire is for me to trust that what I see as failed attempts He sees as an opportunity to lavish me with abundant grace.  In my weaknesses He is mighty. 

Welcome to 2019! I am certain that I will make resolutions.  However, I plan on taking each day as it comes.  I hope to have eyes to see and a heart to understand God's perfect plan for this imperfect vessel.  I pray that God will bless all of my children and my husband with the desires of their hearts.  I pray that He will continue to do a mighty work in my family.  And that He will place friends in my path that will push me deeper in my "pursuit of perfection" and hold me accountable when I attempt to give up.  God has great plans........

Curls, Twirls and Curves

Time flies! I am a little more than halfway through my 40 day commitment to seek God first every day.  And I have to admit it’s been on a bit of a roller coaster ride.  I thought this was going to be easy and without obstacles. However, there are plenty of curls, twirls and curves.

My first week was a pretty smooth ride.  I woke up each morning and spent time reading my bible and had given myself ample time for devotions too.  I felt like God and I were getting some much needed alone time.  I spent more time seeking Him and less time scrolling through social media.  I even had days of not browsing through my Facebook and Instagram accounts.  And that my friends is a miraculous thing.  Especially since it has become a daily ritual.  A ritual that I know needs to change.

Week two I felt like I was still making progress. However, the devotional I chose to guide me through these 40 day seemed to be leaving me a little flat.  The Holy Spirit was pulling me to go deeper.  My five minute devotional is good but it wasn't enough. So deeper I decided to go.  I woke up a little earlier each morning and quietly laid at my Lord's feet.  "Be still, an know that I am God". ~Psalm 46:10.  This verse has taken on a whole new meaning.  I use to feel that this "stillness" was just a physical thing.  But I’ve come to understand that it is also a mental and spiritual thing.  My mind is prone to wander when I am physically being still.  I had to learn to capture my thoughts and bring them before God.  And in the process I also needed to step back, be still, and allow God to show me What He was laying out before me. Descovering the beauty in stillness of the body, mind and spirit this my sweet friends is still a sweet work in progress.  There are still distractions, expectations and life in motion.

Here I am in the midst of week four.  And I have to be honest.  I have been struggling a little.  We are on vacation.  And I know that shouldn't be an excuse.  But it's the best excuse I have for this moment.  It's crazy the things we allow ourselves to do to fill the time.  "The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice" ~Proverb 12:15  I found myself playing silly, mind numbing games on my phone Sunday morning at 5 a.m.  My husband was asleep and I was awake.  And instead of doing what I had planned, reading Romans 1, I started browsing social media.  Which lead to me playing a game on my phone. (Bad habits are hard to break.) An advertisement  came up for another game that looked interesting.  So, I did what any fool would do.... downloaded it.  Throughout the day I found myself reaching for my phone.  I wanted to play another round and rack up those points.  The game was pulling me deeper and deeper.  I could barely hear and/or see what was going on around me.  My husband would say something and I would just nod my head.  At times I am pretty certain I didn’t hear anything he said.  I just agreed.

Just like my desire to download another mind numbing game onto my phone I believe we all have the potential for downloading the unnecessary things of this world.  We are all prone to allow our minds to wander.  The world is full of distractions and the next best “things”.  Like most, when I find myself caught up in the distractions, I play the “blame” game.  I should point out that I played it just a few paragraphs up.  “However, the devotional I chose to guide me through these 40 day seemed to be leaving me a little flat.” and "I am on vacation".  Yep, it’s that devotional leaving me feeling flat. And vacation will get you every time.  Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me.  Perhaps it’s that the devotional, I inadvertently came across while search for books to read on vacation, was making me dig deep into an area of my heart that I wasn’t ready to address.  Like "where am I", "what's holding me back", "am I willing to seek God", and much much more.  

Funny thing is I am sitting here in the quiet of this Wednesday morning and the reality is that in order for me to allow the Holy Spirit to move in my life I have to be STILL and have a heart willing to dig deeper into the areas of my life that need to be redesigned.  I am a Christian woman and as a representative of Christ I question if my life reflects His grace and message of love? Am I set apart (Romans 1:1) Do I draw others into a life of hope?  Or does my life reflect the unnecessary mind numbing downloaded games of the world.  I pray that the Holy Spirit would help me focus. As I closed my eyes I ask that God would fill my head and heart. I truly do desire that my “downloads” would be glorifying to God.  I pray that as I continue to seek God and grow deeper in my relationship with Him that I would have the courage to remove the applications in my life that bring about the unnecessary curls, twirls, curves and distractions. 

What’s holding you back?

It’s no secret that I love the book of Romans.  Personally, I feel that God and I continue to have beautiful conversation when I am still and listening to His Spirit inspired words in this book.  Recently, I have seen some of my favorite verses popping up all around me.  In conversations, devotions, social media,  and in prayer with friends.  And here I am this morning reflecting on this verse in particular. Romans 8: 1-4 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”

This sequence of words that God speaks to us through Paul are freeing.  There is NO condemnation because through JESUS our Messiah we have been set free from the law of sin and death. Now this is how I have come to define and understand grace. But I often wonder if I offer my offenders this same type of grace.  In Romans 12: 1-2 God tells us to not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, so that we may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. We are urged, by the mercies of God, to present our bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is our spiritual service of worship. Are we living our lives showing grace?  And if not, what are we waiting for?  

I am 21 (with 29.5 years of experience). And in my 50 short years on this beautiful big green earth I have learned that this place is packed with all types of people. I have been shown grace by many and have given grace to many as well.  If I am being honest there are some people that it's been easier to set them free from a wrong.  And then there are those that I have held onto their malpractice because I just can't seem to move past the transgression.  I ask myself this question, "What's holding you back?", all the time.  So, what is holding me back?   Bitterness, hurt, pride, and envy to name a few.  The Holy Spirit often whispers, "Do not be conformed to this world".  Each of those emotion that hold me back are just making my beautiful world a bit foggy.  I must be transformed, by the grace of God.  I need to capture my thoughts and bring those foggy feelings to the Lord.  Every time the bitterness from a situation comes into my head I need to turn it to betterness.  When I am reminded of a hurtful situation I must rejoice in the refinement process.  And when pride and envy rear their ugly heads, it time to be still before my Heavenly Father and remember that there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  If I want to continue to call myself a follower of Christ I must live like Christ lived.  I don't have the prerogative to choose who gets grace, forgiveness and God's unmerited favor.  No, I must treat EVERYONE in the manner of love, respect and grace that I selfishly expect.  It doesn't matter if I am twenty-one, fifty, seventy-five, or turning ninety-nine I have to be willing to change my heart and be set apart. 

Today is a great day to reflect on how often God has blessed us with His unmerited favor.  I can almost guarantee you that I might already have a list of transgressions forming just from the four hours I have been awake today.  I am not perfect.  We all have our moments.  But it's how we decide to handle these offensive moments that really develops our faith walk.  My prayer is, that the next time we chose to talk negatively about or towards someone, that the Holy Spirit will swoop in and grab our tongues for a moment and twist the negativity until we are reminded of God's overwhelming grace.  I pray that our heart and minds are set on the blessings.  And that we may learn to live in peace and harmony with each other.  And that we would daily attempt to mirror God's reckless love towards those that have hurt, embittered or rejected us.  There's nothing we can do to earn God's favor.  So, we shouldn't invoice others when it's time for us to show grace.  

God Speaks

Six days ago I made a conscious decision to set aside some quiet and quality time with God, my Heavenly Father.  There was a time in my life when I spent more than 15 minutes a day seeking God’s word.  These past few days made me realize that I carve more time out for the things of this world than I do for my Creator.  I used to wake up every morning and pray for everything under my sun.  I would grab my bible and in the stillness of the morning I would allow God’s  words to penetrate my mind and heart. But somewhere along the road I became complacent and lazy.  My early morning habits and routine changed. Facebook and Instagram beckoned louder and louder as days, weeks and months passed.  To the point that it was easier to wake up, pick up my phone, and browse social media then it was to open up my bible. 

I have decided to make this my last blog post on Facebook and Instagram for the remainder of my 40 day journey.  I will continue to share on my blog, but I need to refrain from the early morning social media surfing.  I want to seek and search God’s word every morning and every evening and the in between.  So, if you care to join me you can check into my blog or you can just take a sweet journey of your own. 

Each day I plan to pray that that Holy Spirit will penetrate my heart, mind and soul.  And that I would have a burning desire to seek God’s living, loving and powerful word. “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”  ~Hebrews 4:12.  I also pray that these words, God’s words, speak with convicting power to my conscience and continue bear their own testimony.  

God’s rhetorical question, “Where Are You?”

“Where are you?” This is a great question.  I often wonder this about my own children.  Unlike my inquiry, when God asks us this question He already knows the answer.  

A while ago I read a book called, “The God Who Knows Me.”   And I know many of you read it with me.  So, this morning as I read Genesis 3:9 my heart and mind brought me directly to Him, the God who knows me!  Even in my forbidden moments He knows me.  Our Heavenly Father knows our every move. Yes, nothing is hidden.  And yet He is gracious to forgive and love.  

When God proposed this question to Great great great great great great great grandma Eve and grandpa Adam He wasn’t really seeking them.  He wanted them to think about where they were in relation to Him.  So, tonight I sit here thinking “Where am I”.  I have distanced myself from Him.  There are areas in my life that I am not certain I want to allow God in to.   Yes, when gossip with friends and I really don’t want Him to be in that circle.  Or when I have negative thoughts about a person in my little crazy would I don’t want Him there either.  But He is.  He is the overseer of ALL.  

Tonight as I prepare my heart, head and body for rest I pray, that the God who sees me will remind me that He knows my name, whereabouts, and heart.  

Open My Eyes So I Can See All The Blessing You Have For Me

I cannot believe it's been well over 8 months since I posted a blog.

Life is out of control. Not in a bad way. I think my life has always been full.  And the past few months just proves this theory.  Each day holds a new adventure.  And I have to be honest my world is sometime too full.  I realized today that the fullness has blocked my relationship with my Creator in many ways.  

This morning I found myself feeling empty.  I have not been reading my bible or seeking God's word for direction.  And I am feeling quite distant from my creator.  I sat in bed and had my one sided conversation with God.  I laid out my requests for my husband, my children, my loved ones, friends and coworkers without hesitation.  I know that God heard my prayer.  As I went about my day I started to think about how often I forget that God created me for His joy.  And now here I am.  I sit here tonight and I have to be honest.  For a very long time I have been requesting, requesting and requesting a little more.  But I have not been listening or watching for God's response.  Yep, like a bratty child I have a case of the gimmies.  Lord give me this and bless me with that.  And I know without a doubt that He is continuously blessing my life. 

As I sat waiting in the doctors office a verse came into my head. "Open my eyes that I may see the beauty and the wonder in your word."  Wow!  All I can say is this was the gentle nudge I needed.  I knew the Holy Spirit was involved in blessing me with God's words.  I waited for over an hour for the doctor to come in.  This gave me ample time to pray, reflect and make a commitment. I decided that I would do a 40 day journey.  A journey that will help draw me closer to my Heavenly Father.  40 days of filling my head and heart with God's word, promises and grace. I cannot promise that I will blog each day.  But what I can promise is that I plan to seek ALL the blessings God has for me.  And I want to invite you to join me on this 40 journey towards growing in God's grace, love and blessings.

I pray that over the next 40 days that the Holy Spirit will reveal my heart or our hearts.  And that we all begin to see the beauty and the blessings in the people, places and things around us.  I plan on making a conscious effort in being still for a time each day and opening my heart, ears and eyes to receive all that our Heavenly Father has for me. What is God trying to tell me? What is He trying to speak into our lives? God gave us His word because He wants us to know Him deeply.  I believe that He is forever doing things to get our attention.  Just look at creation.  

If you want to join me....Amen Hallelujah!  If you want to sit this journey out this time....Amen Hallelujah!  Know that I will be praying for each of you as we step into this journey of faith and discovering just how much our heavenly Father wants a loving a faithful relationship with all of us.

 

The Gift of Rest

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Philippians 4:13

The verse that is a favorite verse to a lot of Christians is Philippians 4:13.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." A beautiful reminder that it is through Christ that we have strength to endure what life throws our way.  But for a long time I had this verse twisted.  I had the mindset that I can do ALL things.  Yep, it was okay for my plate to be overflowing.  I just kept piling on the responsibilities. And eventually I was on system overload.  Every aspect of my life started to feel overwhelming.  Work, friends, church, home and my relationship with God.  I was stretched too thin.  But I continued because "I can do ALL things".  And I lost sight of why I was doing "ALL" things.

My husband Greg and I have very crazy schedules.  Even now, with me being home due to recovering from my surgeries , there are still appointments to go to and tests to schedule.  I like to have my husband at my side asking the questions I, in my temporary state of memory loss every time I go to an appointment, neglect to ask.  His employer has been wonderful with adjusting his shifts to accommodate. Unfortunately, all this scheduling stuff has Greg's plate overflowing even more than normal.  He is a blessing. Not only does he take care of me but he also takes care of everyone around him.  He is mindful of his responsibilities as an Elder of our church,  He also volunteers to help maintain the general upkeep of the church when he has spare time.  I have to be honest I think he has a cape on under that orange t-shirt.  This man can run on 4 hours of sleep and a 15 minute power nap.  And even when he is running on empty it's still almost impossible to slow him down.  Even when you try to plan an entire day of doing nothing (a.k.a "bedhead" day) it's difficult to take his "cape" off and power him down.

Yesterday was a prime example of a day in the life of my man stretching himself thin.  We woke up and had a relaxing uneventful morning together.  He did his normal research on the computer.  And mid morning he went to bed in preparation for the evening shift.  He woke up and prepared to leave for work.  And just as he was leaving he noticed a gurgling coming from the bathroom.  And his cape appeared out of nowhere.  I watched this man of mine leap into action.  He ran outside and and instantly became a plumber.  Poked his head in the door and requested that I go upstairs and flush both toilets simultaneously.  I looked at him and spread my arms.  "I don't thing I have the wing span".  I guarantee you that if he was home alone he would have figured out a way to flush all three toilets, run the dishwasher and do a load of laundry in the push of a single button.  Yes, he is that good.  However, the gurgling issue was placed on the side of his plate because he needed to go to work.  An hour later he called and said that he arranged for help to come in the morning.  But this wasn't enough for him.  He still needed to try to solve this gurgling issue.  And came home a few times to see if his ideas worked.  And in the midst of all this he was also trying to help our daughter and son-in-law resolve a heating issue at their house too.  I would like to say that it is by the grace of God that my husband has the stamina to get it all done.

I have been praying for God to teach me to rest in the palm of His hand. It's been one heck of a lesson for me.  After being out of commission for over two months I think I am finally getting the gist of resting and being still.  I promise you it wasn't an easy lesson.  And this morning, as I reflected on the events of yesterday, I began to pray this same prayer for my husband. We both have this longing desire to serve the Lord.  And often we are both too busy about stuff that it's no longer us serving the Lord but it us serving us.  I don't think that Paul was saying that we are capable of doing everything when he wrote  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  I believe that I personally have been doing it wrong for a while.  My initial intentions have been pure for the most part.  But pride gets in the way every time someone offers help take a thing or two off my plate.  And as a result of this pride thing I am completely outside of God's will. Pride distracts my focus.  And it causes me to be blind to the "through Christ who strengthens me" part of Philippians 4:13.  God sends us assistance when He sees we are overwhelmed.

I see this pride in my husband.  Not in a bad way.  But in a way that he feels that he needs to see it, whatever "it" may be, through to completion.  If Greg says he is going to do it you can rest knowing that the task will be done. His plate is overflowing on a daily basis.  He is a worker.  He loves to be busy. And if there is one gift that I could give my overworked and busy husband it would be the "gift" of rest.  I pray that God would give Greg and me the opportunity to implement and share another "bedhead" day.  A "do-over" because our initial "bedhead" day didn't seem as successful as I had imagined. Greg was semi willing to participate in my crazy well intentioned idea.  Our lives are crazy.  And we need to remember the most important part of Philippians 4:13.  It is only because Christ strengthens us that we are able to to all things.  And if we trust that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives we should also realize that His promises are true.  The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you and I will give you rest" ~ Exodus 33:14. 

I pray that you are able to rest in the palm of God's hand today.  And that as you go about your day and night taking care of all the things life has placed on your plate that you will take a moment to step back and reflect on Philippians 4:13 and Exodus 33:14.  Try not to do ALL things without Christ.  And remember that when you trust God to go through each task with you it will be a lighter burden.  He wants to overwhelm you with His love and grace.  He doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with the burdens of this world.  He sent Christ to be our source of strength.