From Translucent to Transparent

The past few weeks/months God has been training me on the art of sitting at His feet. A lesson on being patient and waiting on Him to reveal the plan. And for those who know me, this isn't an easy task. I am not much of a sitter. I am more of a multitasker. I had this bad habit, still have a touch of it, of running myself into the ground. I stretched myself so thin that my life started to become very translucent. I was trying to be a light. However, there wasn't much clarity. You might say I am a bit of a "diamond in the rough".

I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and seeking. My mind is blown away by His faithfulness. In scripture, I read two powerful words, Jesus says, "Follow Me". When my Lord and Savior calls on me, He is direct and to the point. "Kathleen, drop everything. And follow Me". My heart is overwhelmed. He wants me,the biggest sinner I know,to walk with Him. To sit at His feet and break bread with Him. Crazy! It should be so simple.....right. "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. The thought of relinquishing everything. Dropping my net. Leaving everything behind. Not worrying about what others think about me. No looking back at the life I lived in the past. To keep my hands, both hands, on the plow and keep my eyes focused on His plan. NOT mine. Is terrifying to say the least.

God has and always will be consistent when He calls us to follow and trust in Him. Recently I took an adventure with a man named Jeremiah. He totally trusted in God's plan and followed without hesitation. You see the Babylonian's were coming to Jerusalem. And they were strong and they just defeated a town off to the east. And the people of Jerusalem weren't even close to being as strong as the towns people from the east. Some of the leaders believed that if they stood along side of the Egyptians they might have a chance. But, Jeremiah said, " Hold up. I don't think that is necessary we are going to be defeated. So let's just go out there and surrender. Why waste our time and energy fighting?" Can you imagine? Give up without a fight? Jeremiah must be out of his tree. But, he was trusting in the Lord with all his heart. He heard God, trusted His plan and shared what was put on his heart. Jeremiah never had to surrender. His fellow "friends" and leaders thought he was nuts and put him in prison. So here I am now. Thinking to myself. What if God told me to surrender to something that I thought was totally off the wall? Would I listen and follow. Or would I ignore the calling?

While my new friend, Jeremiah, sat there in prison. He was encouraged, comforted, and given wisdom. ("Moreover the word of the Lord came unto Jeremiah the second time, while he was yet shut up in the court of the prison, saying, Thus saith the Lord the maker thereof, the Lord that formed it, to establish it; the Lord is his name; Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Jeremiah: 33:1-3). God says to each of us, "call unto me!"

God is ALWAYS faithful. Again, I will say it. God is ALWAYS faithful. And sometimes He may need to go to some extreme measures to get us to call out to Him. For me, the most recent, that tribulation that brought me within the cell walls, was the event of fabrications being told about my household family members. And those vilification's came from one of our own "towns people". But these events, as they continued to unfold, made me feel insecure, broken, and confused. I sat back, fell to my knees and waved the white flag. "I surrender". And as I said, "He, God, is ALWAYS faithful". Just as He did with Jeremiah, He began to give me encouragement by telling me, "Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you" ~2 Chronicles 20:17. And comforted me with, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" ~Psalm 34:18, "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." ~Psalm 71: 20-21, and He gave me strength with "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:18-31.

God's timing is always perfect too. Every trial, tribulation and prison stay is His way of saying, "Be still and know I am God." He can and will calm the seas, move the mountains and fight the giant. He can and will right all the wrongs. He is ALWAYS faithful.

My heart will still get hurt and I will probably get overwhelmed in the things that I choose to get involved with. I am just praying that I will be a light in my husbands eyes and also in the eyes of my children and my children's children. I want to leave a legacy that has great clarity. My desire is to become less translucent and more transparent. God knows the deepest and ugliest parts of my heart and soul. He created me and knows every crack and crevice. And He also know how to refine this stone into a gem.

A trip to Paradise.....paid in full.

This morning, before getting out of bed, I thanked God for this days fresh fill of His grace.  I then proceeded to go make the coffee to get the fresh jump start on my adventurous day.  As I sipped on the fresh brew, I flipped on my kindle and started to read.  The statement I fixed my eyes, my head and my heart on was,  "There is no believing without following".   John 3:16  states,  (come on, say it with me) "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."   In this verse the most resounding words in my mind and heart are "whosoever believes".  This is an open invitation. It is kind of like the Valpac that comes in the weekly mail.  It doesn't discriminate and it is delivered to every house.  We all know that there are some pretty nice deals in that envelope.  But often the recipient of the envelope just throws it away without even looking into the deals.  I myself like to look through to see where I can save. Inside this weeks Valpac, is a coupon for John 3:16, is an invitation. It's an all inclusive, paid in full, with luxurious accommodations, trip to Paradise.  All I have to do is dial 1-800-YES-LORD.  And press one for "yes" or two for "not now, I am really enjoying the trip I am on." But there is more to this phone call.  Once I press #1  I get transferred to an agent of the Lord by the name of Luke.  Luke reviews the invitation. He wants to be sure I have a very clear picture of what it meant when I pressed one for "yes". He explains that Jesus, the sender of the invite, wants to have a deep, passionate, and very real relationship with me.  A relationship that will last an eternity. Now, Luke inquires, are you ready to accept this paid in full journey to Paradise?  I respond with, "I have a question.  Why is it that I got this invitation? Why would Jesus want someone like me sitting at His table.  Why would He want a sinner, one of the biggest I know of, sitting at His feet just so He could gaze into my eyes.  And, is He really okay with me following Him at the risk of ruining His own reputation?" "Hmmm, Luke responds, that is a very great question.  Jesus' heart is overwhelmed with joy!  You see from the beginning of time He has had His eyes on you.  He was waiting for just the right moment to send that invitation.  He loves you and is willing to wash away every horrible thing you have done." "Is it really that easy?" I ask.  "Well, I am not going to tell you it is an easy journey.  You are going to have to lay a lot of things down.  You may even lose some friends and family members.  But you will never be alone.  The burdens may, at times, feel heavy and unbearable.  But I can tell you first hand that you will never regret pressing one for "yes".  Can I put you down for a reserved spot? "  I nervously say, "yes".  There is a brief pause and I hear a very calming voice.  Jesus gets on the line and says, "follow me."

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9: 23

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within.......I surrender....

For the past week I have had the words to the song "Surrender" rolling around in my head. And to be honest I thought about what it would mean when I truly surrender it all to Him. To give God my heart completely. To lay down my life my dreams, my pride and all my rights just to have the promise of a new life. A life filled with God's grace, love and indescribable peace and joy. I had a moment where I realized that, in order for me to have the love relationship that my king wants, I have to make some BIG changes. He doesn't want just my empty moments. He wants my every moment. He wants to share in ALL my joy and pain. And He wants to be there to laugh with me and cry with me. He desires to be my All in All, & my one and only. He wants me to run to Him when my world is turned upside down. He doesn't what to share the role of King of my heart. His desire is for me to want this for our relationship as well. And to let the true character of my light shine through. To allow myself to be vulnerable, completely exposed for all to see. The reality of this relationship seemed more than a bit uncomfortable. "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

I am attempting to define my relationship with God. And what it truly means to lay it all down and be a follower of Christ. That's right relationship not my religion. Webster's defines Relationship as : the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a :kinship or specific instance or type of kinship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings (had a good relationship with his family); a romantic or passionate attachment. God wants to have an intimate relationship with me, a passionate attachment. But before I can even begin to define my relationship with this King of my heart, I need to understand where my faith is in Him. Is my faith more about honoring my heritage and family traditions than surrendering my heart and being interrelated with my God.

Am I a Sadducee, existing in an aristocratic state of mind and not fully understanding my role in this relationship with my King? Am I so puffed up that I cannot see or feel the true love of my Savior? Sadducees were more concerned with politics than religion/relationship. They tended to be wealthy and held powerful positions, including that of chief priests and high priest. They worked hard to keep the peace by agreeing with the decisions of Rome. The Sadducees goal was to preserve the authority of the written Word of God, especially the books of Moses. However, because of their wealth and power, they were extremely self-sufficient to the point of denying God's involvement in everyday life. There was no penalty or reward after their earthly life. How Sad....you see.

Am I the Pharisee who spends hours committing to memory the rules and regulations, saying and doing all the right things because of these guidelines? When I am memorizing scripture it is a beautiful thing. But surely it is empty without gratitude in my heart for my Savior. Religiously, the Pharisees accepted the written Word as inspired by God. But they also gave equal authority to tradition. The pharisees defended this idea by saying it went all the way back to Moses, these traditions added to God's Word, which is forbidden ( "Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the LORD your God that I give you." Deuteronomy 4:2) They remained true to God's Word in reference to some doctrines. They believed that God controlled all things, yet our free will and our independent decisions contribute to the course of life. They believed in the resurrection of the dead. And they believed in an afterlife, with appropriate reward and/or punishment on an individual. The Pharisees sought to equally and strictly obey traditions along with the Old Testament. Trying to be fair... I see.

Am I able to categorize my relationship to be something outside of those two "boxes"? I want so much more than just a "religious" relationship. I believe that God is the creator of all things. I don't believe that I am just existing to exist. I know that God has set out a great purpose for my life. And I know that His love for me is greater than any love I could ever imagine. And it's more incredible than any love another individual could give to me. He is unconditional. He waits patiently for me every minute of every day. And His heart is filled with joy when I finally arrive. I pray that I grow more and more like Him. I want so much to be a reflection of Him amazing grace. I fall short. Majorly short. I want to be that follower that clings to the hem of His garment because I want to be just that close. Better yet a child, who has no fear of what people will say, do or think, that I just push through the crowd and run into his arms and allow Him to carry me.

I am so caught up in my own little world. Sometimes, I am so full of these "what about me?" moments, I forget why it is that I am here. "And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."(Romans 8 27-28). God knows my heart better than I know my own heart. I have a growing desire to know God's heart for me more than ever. I want so much more than just a one sided....His side....relationship. I pray for the courage to surrender it ALL and allow Him to rule in my heart, mind and actions. 

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

"Your salt depends upon the character of your light"

What is my purpose in this life? What am I living for? Do I live from day to day just letting the seconds unfold without direction. Am I just surviving and looking out for me, myself and I. Or is there something more to this life. Am I here to make a difference in the lives of my family, friends, and others? God has a plan and a purpose for my life. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The wedding day is almost here.  In less than 24 hours, we will all be a family.  As Sarah and Duane become one through marriage tomorrow, our families become linked.  Last night for me was symbolic.  The families all coming together and laughing crying and preparing for this great day.  Each one has a purpose in this expanding family. But again I ask...what is my purpose?  Where is my place? Am I an arm, a hand, a finger or a finger nail? Each part has a purpose.  Even in those moments when I may feel insignificant, I am reminded that even the finger nail has a purpose. Just because I am a "step" parent doesn't mean my role is less important in this family.  Because I am not a biological parent doesn't meant I have to be on the outside looking in.  I am discovering a lot about who I am.  I know this for sure I am a kid of the Most High.  I know that as each day unfolds more of my purpose is revealed.  When I feel I lack purpose, it's because I am forgetting that I am not supposed to be doing this for me. That in everything I do I am to be giving all glory to God.  "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,  and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,  while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,  so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.." 1 Corinthians 12-26

This family, is not only like a body with many parts, it's like a a big pot of slow cooking a stew.  There are many different ingredients.  We have savory, sweet, bitter, sour and salty.  And each ingredient has a specific time it needs to be added.  When my kids were little I would remind them every morning as they left the house, to go out into the world and be salt and be a light.  For the most part they have done their best.  I have seen the effects of salt and light in this new pot of stew, family, that is simmering.  I know that as each new day dawns, I may have a new purpose and be a different ingredient.  I am a servant.  And I pray that my heart stays lit and constantly glows. I praise God for each member of this expanding family.  I am overwhelmed with joy to see the light in each person's heart.  "Your salt depends upon the character of your light" ~Charles Swindoll.

God has given each person a gift. For some it's being a servant, or a teacher, or a talker,or a listener,or an artist,or a chef, etc.... We all have a purpose. And God has a plan. "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work." 1 Corinthians 12:4-6

True love is superglue

This morning I have been reflecting on marriage. And praising God for allowing me to have a second chance at being a wife. Scripture tells us that love is patient, kind , it isn't jealous and doesn't boast. In all honesty I often lack patients And sometimes my words aren't so kind. And yes, I have some puffed up moments now and then. But, God has blessed my life with a husband that is willing to accept me for the crazy me I am.

In just a few days my inherited daughter and soon to be son-in-law will be walking down the isle to say I do. And I have been praying for this precious couple. I know God sees their hearts for each other. And I pray that as they begin this journey as husband and wife they continue to grow in their love. I pray that they have the desire to have compassion for each other. To be humble and gentle in all circumstances. And that they both find courage to forgive whatever needs forgiving and wisdom to understand their differences. Just like the bands of gold they will place on each others fingers as they pledge their love, marriage is a forever circle of life's most important relationships. They will become and remain each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And will discover that love is superglue.

I am thankful that the experiences of the past haven't tainted the step of the future. Divorce is an ugly thing. And, unfortunately, my children, biological and inherited, are all a product of the big "D" word. When Greg and I got married it wasn't just the two becoming one. It was a whole crew. I had three precious gems to contribute from my first marriage. And Greg had two from his. I had been single and raising my three on my own for a few years. And the same with Greg. So we had to be very strong in our commitment to each other. And in the process we also had to define true love for our children. Which is hard to do when they are confused.

A second marriage, with children, takes a whole lot of love. I didn't realize that I would not only be a wife, mom, and step-monster but I would become a fireman too. Putting two families together is like putting a match box close to a fire. Eventually sparks are going to ignite. And throughout the course of our marriage there have been quite a few fires. To be honest, I often look back at those fires and praise God for His faithfulness. The family did a lot of growing. For Greg and I, our love for each other was and is constantly being tested. Our children know that not only do we love each other. But we love each one of them. They have been a part of our union since the very beginning with there hands on the pulse of our relationship. We wanted their input on our wedding and our future as a family . It wasn't easy for any of us. Greg and I did what we thought was best for the whole crew. There were and are moments when the stress and fear was and still is so great. But God is ever present. Two families becoming one. I love that our children know that, whether it be a financial need or emotional need, we will do anything for them. As each child grows and goes in their own direction I pray that the love they have witnessed in this crazy house will be branded on their hearts forever. We aren't even close to being the well adjusted and put together "Brady Bunch". But we have love. Yes, we still have "water and oil" moments. But, together with a pinch of love, sometimes that makes a good dressing.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment it is the willingness of two people to come together in search of the best. And the desire to bring it out in one another. It encourages and develops the newness of life. Marriage offers opportunities to share and grow in ways that no other relationship can compare. It is an emotional and physical connection that is a promise of a lifetime. This union deepens and enriches every life experience. Commitment to each other is stronger than ever before. Your memories are much more vivid. Happiness is more abounding. Even the level of anger seem more passionate, however forgiveness come more rapidly. Mistakes are unavoidable this is why communication is so important. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." ~Ephesians 4:2-3 Understanding and forgiveness are virtues that are like glue. Together they create a bind that holds them closer than any spoken or written words. "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity."  ~ Colossians 3:14

Marriage is a promise before God, made in the hearts of two people who love each other. It is a covenant that takes a lifetime to fulfill. And I am thankful for the lifetime that has been provided.

His purpose.....that's right His purpose not mine...there's order even in the disorder.

There is an order even in the disorder.  I know that when I put God first things seem to be a bit easier.  But in reality I only put him first when it works best for me.  You know what I am talking about.  In the morning when I wake up and there is that moment when everything is quiet.  No distraction.  Just silence.  That is when it is the most convenient for this brat of the King.  Yep, I don't even take into consideration how He longs for me to spend time just to get more acquainted.

God only requires that I love Love Him and accept the amazing gift He has given.  He waits patiently for me to discover how awesome a life of obedience in Him could be.  There is this instruction manual.  It's called the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (bible). There are moments I feel myself holding my hands over my eyes because the instructions don't seem to fit my sinful life. So what if the instructions say to "Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature; sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed."  and wait there is still more, "now you must rid yourself of anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips.  You cannot lie to anyone not a single person."  I don't always want the truth to penetrate my heart.  I often get paper cuts, from trying to skim over the pages of this guide for daily living, so that I can get to the easy to follow instructions.  You know....the instructions that are comfortable and natural to this sin natured child. How safe it is to open up my beloved instruction manual and read only what I want to hear. 

This past Sunday morning God planted Romans 8:28 on my mind.  I love the book of Romans so I was excited to get up and come sit at His feet for a sweet cup of grace.  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." His purpose.....that's right His purpose not mine.  Now, He had my attention.  And I began to pray that He would give me a greater understanding of that "purpose" He has for me. After reading Romans 8, I found myself flipping ahead a few pages and landed at the book of Colossians.In a few weeks my inherited daughter is getting married.  a portion of Colossians will be read at their ceremony.  So, I didn't think it was odd that this is where I landed. It is easy for me to look up a verse that gives that warm fuzzy feeling.  The first chapter starts off with God's desire for me to ask Him to fill me with  the knowledge of His will through all the spiritual wisdom and understanding. We need this wisdom and knowledge so that we are equipped with the tools we need to live a fruit bearing life. As I continued to sit at His feet (which isn't always an easy instruction for me to follow),   I heard Him say that I am one of His "chosen people, holy and dearly loved.  I am commanded to be virtuous, having compassion, kindness, humility, and to be graceful and patient.  But most importantly to love.  Because love binds these virtues together in perfect unity".  Colossians is a pretty powerful book.  Packed with instruction.  Rules help us to keep things in order. But I know that I must look at ALL the instructions and not just flip to the concordance/index and chose the easy to read version.

I call myself a follower of Christ a.k.a. kid of the King, wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend, coworker, neighbor, acquaintance, and stranger.  And if I sat here long enough I could add a few more titles to my list.   I am realizing that I need to put my list/crazy life into some semblance of order. I will be the first to  tell you, I am not the easiest person when I am feeling overwhelmed. And in all reality I can't stand myself when I don't have order. 2 Corinthians 10:5  tells us to.... "take every though captive and make it obedient to Christ".  And in doing just that it will bring clarity and prevent frustration and that feeling of being overwhelmed. Obedience brings order.  And following God's instruction will bring me to a place of congruency between the head and the heart. Yes, there is order even in my disorder.....when I put my King first.

" Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing  psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him". 

What me worry?........Anxiety leads to stress and stress to anxiety....

I have to say that I don't normally consider myself a worrier or some one who is overwhelmed with anxiety.  But I recently discovered that deep within I have the ability to be one of the biggest culprits of this condition.  In Philippians 4 we are instructed to  "Be anxious about nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."  Okay, sounds pretty simple.  So why is it that I still worry about silly things like....."did I remember to feed the animals" (And by animals I do mean the cat and the dog.....not the kids) It is our human nature to second guess.  We are human after all.  And in being human we certainly aren't perfect.

Recently I was asked what I thought was God's definition of peaceful.  Well that seemed like an easy thing for me to answer.  I thought about when my kids were little.  We didn't have much money, so I tried to save energy by using candles instead of turning on the lights.  For a few years our living room didn't even have a lamp.  I called this room the "tranquility room".  I spent many nights reading His word by candle light and being "still".  So my initial answer to this question was the "tranquility room".  Those quiet moments when there is no ciaos around.

 I then read a story, which took the "tranquility room" to a new level, about two artists that were asked to paint a picture of peace as they perceived it.  One painted a quiet lake far back in the mountains.  The other, a picture of a raging waterfall which had a tree leaning over it with a bird resting in a nest on one of the extended branches.  The artist who depicted peace as the waterfall and the bird showed the true idea of peace in God.  You see there is no peace without opposition.

We often think that life as a believer should be simple and easy.  Well that my friend is wrong thinking.  If life was a walk on "Easy Street" there would be no purpose for God in our lives. I know that I tend to forget about my quiet devotion when life is going according to my plan.  You know what I am talking about.  You wake up in the morning and the birds are chirping.  The sun in shining. and the temperature outside has never been more perfect. You get out of bed and pretty much the whole day just goes better than expected. But once that road block comes into play it seems like my whole world gets turned upside down.  I realize that I made a wrong turn and ended up on "Arduous Avenue".

Funny thing is as I try to avoid the road blocks in my life it seems like more and more traffic appears. And by the time I get home I am looking forward to the "tranquility room". God wants me to lay it all down at His feet.  Those road blocks were placed there by Him.  He wants me to slow down and trust in Him.  He'll get me to my destination.  God is never early.  He is never late. He is always on time.   In Romans 8:28 God reveals that "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to his purpose."  Now that is comforting to know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life.

Anxiety leads to stress and stress leads to anxiety.  Both of these emotions prevent us from " the peace of God, which passes all understanding"  Once we cast all of our cares, anxiety, stress and negative emotion on Him, We will discover the peace of God.  It is this peace that "shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6, 7