The past few weeks/months God has been training me on the art of sitting at His feet. A lesson on being patient and waiting on Him to reveal the plan. And for those who know me, this isn't an easy task. I am not much of a sitter. I am more of a multitasker. I had this bad habit, still have a touch of it, of running myself into the ground. I stretched myself so thin that my life started to become very translucent. I was trying to be a light. However, there wasn't much clarity. You might say I am a bit of a "diamond in the rough".
I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and seeking. My mind is blown away by His faithfulness. In scripture, I read two powerful words, Jesus says, "Follow Me". When my Lord and Savior calls on me, He is direct and to the point. "Kathleen, drop everything. And follow Me". My heart is overwhelmed. He wants me,the biggest sinner I know,to walk with Him. To sit at His feet and break bread with Him. Crazy! It should be so simple.....right. "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. The thought of relinquishing everything. Dropping my net. Leaving everything behind. Not worrying about what others think about me. No looking back at the life I lived in the past. To keep my hands, both hands, on the plow and keep my eyes focused on His plan. NOT mine. Is terrifying to say the least.
God has and always will be consistent when He calls us to follow and trust in Him. Recently I took an adventure with a man named Jeremiah. He totally trusted in God's plan and followed without hesitation. You see the Babylonian's were coming to Jerusalem. And they were strong and they just defeated a town off to the east. And the people of Jerusalem weren't even close to being as strong as the towns people from the east. Some of the leaders believed that if they stood along side of the Egyptians they might have a chance. But, Jeremiah said, " Hold up. I don't think that is necessary we are going to be defeated. So let's just go out there and surrender. Why waste our time and energy fighting?" Can you imagine? Give up without a fight? Jeremiah must be out of his tree. But, he was trusting in the Lord with all his heart. He heard God, trusted His plan and shared what was put on his heart. Jeremiah never had to surrender. His fellow "friends" and leaders thought he was nuts and put him in prison. So here I am now. Thinking to myself. What if God told me to surrender to something that I thought was totally off the wall? Would I listen and follow. Or would I ignore the calling?
While my new friend, Jeremiah, sat there in prison. He was encouraged, comforted, and given wisdom. ("Moreover the word of the Lord came unto Jeremiah the second time, while he was yet shut up in the court of the prison, saying, Thus saith the Lord the maker thereof, the Lord that formed it, to establish it; the Lord is his name; Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Jeremiah: 33:1-3). God says to each of us, "call unto me!"
God is ALWAYS faithful. Again, I will say it. God is ALWAYS faithful. And sometimes He may need to go to some extreme measures to get us to call out to Him. For me, the most recent, that tribulation that brought me within the cell walls, was the event of fabrications being told about my household family members. And those vilification's came from one of our own "towns people". But these events, as they continued to unfold, made me feel insecure, broken, and confused. I sat back, fell to my knees and waved the white flag. "I surrender". And as I said, "He, God, is ALWAYS faithful". Just as He did with Jeremiah, He began to give me encouragement by telling me, "Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you" ~2 Chronicles 20:17. And comforted me with, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" ~Psalm 34:18, "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." ~Psalm 71: 20-21, and He gave me strength with "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:18-31.
God's timing is always perfect too. Every trial, tribulation and prison stay is His way of saying, "Be still and know I am God." He can and will calm the seas, move the mountains and fight the giant. He can and will right all the wrongs. He is ALWAYS faithful.
My heart will still get hurt and I will probably get overwhelmed in the things that I choose to get involved with. I am just praying that I will be a light in my husbands eyes and also in the eyes of my children and my children's children. I want to leave a legacy that has great clarity. My desire is to become less translucent and more transparent. God knows the deepest and ugliest parts of my heart and soul. He created me and knows every crack and crevice. And He also know how to refine this stone into a gem.