As I sit here this morning my thoughts seem a bit calm but also overwhelming at the same time. It's been a long time since I sat and blogged. For some reason, over the past few months, I have had this mental block or just an odd sense of blahhhhh each time I contemplated writing. Do you ever wonder how you can be quiet and still when there is so much going on in the world around you? There is this overwhelming feeling that you are grasping for a message or a single word from God. I have been feeling this way for quite some time. 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds me that I am to take every thought captive. How do I even begin to place a lasso around my brain foggy mind?
The world has been on pause because of the Covid 19 strand of coronavirus. And our country is also protesting to seek justice due to injustices that stem from the beginning of this country's history. And here I sit on this June, Sunday morning in the comfort of my own home reflecting on the "pause and cause". I honestly feel I might have hit the pause button a little too hard in many areas of my life. I had become complacent in areas that I should be humbled and dissatisfied. In the beginning months of the quarantine I spent hours putting together a 3000 piece puzzle that my son-in-law, Duane gave me (he informed me that the puzzle was missing approximately 3 pieces.... oh the torture). As I stood for hours at my dining room table, covered from end to end with puzzle pieces (2997 of them) I was able to remove myself from the world around me. I slowly put the pieces in place for a little over 3 weeks. I refused to look at the box. What was I thinking? I made this task so much harder by not knowing where the pieces fit. After a few weeks and a few pauses from the task I eventually completed the non-completable puzzle. Quite honestly as I put the last piece in its place I felt somewhat happy. But wait, there were multiple pieces missing. However, I did what I could to see it to completion.
Now what? I was paused. There were moments I unintentionally pressed a slight pause on my connecting with God, my family, my friends, current events, and my mind. Time to unpause and get back to the "cause" of what was happening around me. And let me tell you there is a lot going on around me. My country, my family, friends, and community are all struggling to put the pieces together. We all have an idea of what the whole picture should look like but we are all refusing to look at the "box". We see what we want to see and in return, we are making a mess of things. We are searching for the boarders and putting pieces where they don't belong. And just like the puzzle I had in front of me we all have some pertinent pieces missing. Truth be told I firmly believe that it is the "pause" that has been placed on understanding, truth, and justice that have "caused" this time in our lives to be difficult. There is this battle going in inside of me. The "pause" is a nice safe place. I don't want to be complacent. I don't want to conform to the patterns of this "paused" world.
This is the day that Romans 12:2 has decided to penetrate my "paused" mind. There are many translations of scripture and I hope you don't mind but I would love to share the TPT (The Passion Translation) version. "Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God's will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in His eyes." Put a lasso around that overwhelmed mind and realize that the Holy Spirit dwells within. I ask myself, "Am I afraid of the ideas and opinions of those around me?" The world is full of darkness. As I scroll through social media my heart breaks. We are broken. Brokenness does not discriminate. Life is more valuable than property damage. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I have never been a victim of racism or actually know what it feels like to be treated unjustly because of my complexion. However, I do know what it feels like to be furious enough that I have broken an object, slammed a door, shattered a glass, pushed someone off a barstool (yes I did do this and I am not proud), use words that cut deep and my list could go on and on. Doing all of that just so that my voice and feelings could be heard. I will say all eyes and ears were on me (especially the bar stool incident....still not proud of that moment. But I did get my point across). You might say in some cases my destructive moments were motivated by righteous anger. Hey, Jesus the Prince of Peace flipped tables because of injustice. We need to see the picture. Look at the box. Seek the truth. I trust that we will see peace, justice, and order. If God can form the universe, galaxies, planets, and life from the chaos I believe we can renew, transform, and rebuild our nation.
I have been thinking about my Dad. And I am thankful for his example. I am who I am because of his guidance. I see the beautiful way his life has influenced my children and how they see the world. I am thankful that I have children that can, will, and are demonstrating their willingness to grow, teach, and reach family, friends, and communities. I really wish I could have him come to dinner tonight. I would love to hear his thoughts. It's been nine and a half years since I last saw and got to talk with him. He passed away in December of 2010. I remember his memorial service and the faces of those who attended. My dad had a kaleidoscope of friends and family. I heard from multiple guests that my dad had the ability to make them feel that they were the one person he was looking forward to seeing. I had people come up to me and tell me that my dad showed a brotherly/fatherly love that changed the course of their life. It didn't matter the color of their skin or their beliefs. My dad just showed love, taught love, and gave love. He had the most amazing hugs. I really miss those hugs. Honestly, I think this is why I am a hugger. Hugs can either make you uncomfortable or make you feel like everything is going to be good. His hugs made you feel that you were his favorite person. I really wish he was here so that I could get some fatherly wisdom. I know he would have something profound to say about the state of our country.
There are many Black and Brown people in my life who experience racism, hate, and fear every day of their lives. My heart is overwhelmed and I am still trying to wrap my head around the senseless hate, violence towards, and murders of many black men and black women at the hands of uneducated, insecure, and racist individuals. Recently I began educating myself by reading about the Black Lives Matter movement. IF you want to obtain the knowledge I highly recommend you read the book, “When they call you a terrorist,” by Patrisse Kahn- Cullors and Asha Bandele. I feel it is my responsibility as a wife, mom, and grandma to seek the truth, look at the box, and teach my family by gaining wisdom and truth. I honestly thought that I understood or that I could comprehend the atrocities black men, black women, black teenagers, and black babies endure on a daily basis. I said some foolish stuff. I tried to compare my being a "dirty Philly" girl who moved into the "pristine" suburbs in the fourth grade with being a black girl in a white community. My intentions were pure and I apologize for being naive and insensitive. For me, the "dirty Philly girl" label eventually went away. People accepted me and life moved on. This is not the case for Black and Brown people. I was humbly trying to find the words of encouragement and support. And now I stand to ask for forgiveness and grace. I praise God for giving me a heart that breaks for injustice and a voice to fight against those injustices. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give me the strength to stand and speak up for all the Black and Brown people in our country that have been and are still being oppressed, violated, and marginalized. I pray that racism is eradicated from our streets, towns, cities, and the entire country. We need to do better. I need to do better... I WILL do better.
God created us ALL in His image. It was His breath that breathed life into us. My righteousness comes from the One who formed me out of the dust, and Who's dust I want to be covered in. I pray that God will give all of us the ability to be transformed and that our minds will be renewed.
Freedom, equality, and justice
are the attributes our ancestors came to put in place.
The melting pot was growing
as they all moved into this space
All of the Black immigrants
were treated quite indignantly
Their Black and Brown complexion
was all that the white man could see
They were forced to be slaves
Because of the tone of their skin
And this my fellow white American's
Is where injustice did begin
The past few day I reflect
on the words that I recently did chose
It's been difficult to scroll social media
and hard to watch the news
To say that I am color blind
would be untruth on this woman's part
I am a privileged white woman
who cares from the depths of her heart
I see the beautiful tone of your skin
And you see the tone of mine too
My promise is to link arms
seeking justice and equality for you
Some are screaming for order
as fear and chaos penetrate our land
Asking the very hard question
"How did this all get so out of hand?"
Well......Freedom, Equality, and Justice
are the culprits if I must name a few,
If you were stripped of these rights
I am certain you would be outraged too.
How many Black lives will be taken
all because of lies that have been taught and told
All lives cannot matter until Black lives matter
Now is the time to use your voice...be bold
