When I was younger a very wise individual told me that when we do the same thing over and over, while achieving the same misguided result, it's a sign of insanity. Going back in my mind for as long as I can remember I have made resolutions and failed in one way or another. I have given up some resolutions before I even gave them the opportunity to stick. Last year I resolved to not have any resolutions. You would think that was an infallible plan. Nope, I still made resolutions (I called them "promises"...such trickery) that I couldn't keep. Why do we do this to ourselves every year? The truth is that we are all striving to be a better version of the person that we are today. We make big plans. While some of us are very successful at resolutions there are those of us (mainly me) who sometimes fail the smallest of resolutions. I am truly on the path of insanity (and not the workout video's)
What causes me to push my resolutions aside? The hiccups and fear. In my mind I have a picture of how my plan will look in the end. Let's take my 2016 resolution for example. That year I resolved that I would finally take the steps to publish a children's book that I had written a few years back. It's a cute little story that I have read to my children, grandchildren and on occasion other little's in my life. And they all enjoyed the story and illustrations (colored by many of the children mentioned) I just needed to make a few calls. Well I did make a few calls and got a bunch of quotes. And then the hiccups impolitely intruded in on the plan. I conjured up multiple excuses as to why I couldn't do it. The cost was monetarily high and my emotions were high as well. Bottom line I lacked faith. I didn't feel that my story was "perfect" enough. So, these hiccups caused me to once again put my resolution on that back burner.
I find that when I am in that "pursuit of perfection" state of mind I often feel paralyzed. Paralysis by analysis. Why do I give up when I don't feel that I am doing things at the level of perfection that I believe others expect? God does not require me to be perfect. In Romans 3:10 God reminds me that no one is perfect. He comforts me with the loving words of a Heavenly Father in 2 Corinthians 12:9. In my weaknesses, failures, hiccups, and unfinished resolutions He is there. His desire is for me to trust that what I see as failed attempts He sees as an opportunity to lavish me with abundant grace. In my weaknesses He is mighty.
Welcome to 2019! I am certain that I will make resolutions. However, I plan on taking each day as it comes. I hope to have eyes to see and a heart to understand God's perfect plan for this imperfect vessel. I pray that God will bless all of my children and my husband with the desires of their hearts. I pray that He will continue to do a mighty work in my family. And that He will place friends in my path that will push me deeper in my "pursuit of perfection" and hold me accountable when I attempt to give up. God has great plans........
