Monday, July 28, 2014

Fascinating but Flawed

I come from a long line fascinating but flawed women. A variety of imperfection. I see the characteristics of my lineage in my own reflection. I have much in common with Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Leah and even Potifhar's wife. I also share many of Martha's traits and I have a bit of Mary's too. But I am going to focus on my old testament grandmothers and aunts. From the very beginning of time it is quite evident that women have and always will be emotional.  God created women from His perfect love and throughout history, due to our unlassoed emotions, we have failed to grasp the reality of this great love.  We neglect to see that God has and always will provide us with the desires of our heart.  Instead of waiting on God's provision when I want to taste something the world has to offer, just like Great Grandma Eve, I present it to my husband in hopes that he will bite.  And, like Sarah, I may laugh at what God may put on my husband's heart because I think it is totally impossible and unreachable.  And there are moments, just like Aunt Rebekah, that I find myself feeling jealous that I am not my husband's first wife.  And that his children are biologically not mine.  The Leah in me often feels unlovable and rejected.  Potifhar's wife's characteristic, at times, comes through as well. Desperate to take the focus off of my own sinful heart. Can't get what I want out of I make a feeble attempt to magnify others inadequacies, whether real or conjured up in my own mind, just so the focus on my faults are redirected.

Yes, I come from a long line of women who fail love.  Jealous, insecure, manipulative and doubtful. I could sit here and point out all the faults in each of their husbands. I could tell you that if they loved more and did a better job of making their wives feel beautiful that each wife may have been more confident.  But that would be just plain foolishness.  God has given us this gift of a spouse for joy. Yes, joy!  It is not our husbands responsibility to make us feel happy, secure, confident or loved. We really do a great job setting them up for a catastrophic disaster.  No matter how hard they try it seems that our men always fall a little short. Only God is capable of meeting our conditions. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" ~Psalm 37:4 He will give me the desires of my heart.  Not Greg, my husband.  Don't get me wrong  my husband is wonderful.  He makes a valiant effort in "trying" to meet my needs.  But I am a brat in my heart.  And my selfishness is difficult to quench.  Only God has the capability of meeting my needs.

 Women throughout scripture and history needed to take captive their emotions and experience God's true and faithful love. 2 Corinthians 10:5  tells us to capture, put a lasso around, every thought and bring it into the obedience of Christ.  "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" God is love. When I am taking every thought captive and reflecting on why I feel jealous, insecure, manipulative and doubtful it becomes evident that I need His perfect love in my life.

 Like I said earlier, in each of these women I find a small piece of me.  Like Eve I love my husband and every day is a new adventure.  And, like Sarah, my laughter turns to wonder.  The Rebekah and Leah characteristics seem to play off each other.  And oh the moments I look in the mirror only to see the character of a Genesis woman, Potifhar's wife.  Boy is she manipulative.  But, fortunately for me I am a sinner saved by grace.  It is only by the grace of God that I am who I am. "But by the grace of God I am what I am: and His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly then they all : yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me"~ 1 Corinthians 15:10