If His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking

This week has truly been an adventure for me.  I switched jobs, battled a few demons, and had to adjust my normal every day routine.  I had many restless nights and some very long days.  I have to say that I am thankful that I have a relationship with a limitless God.  He greets me wherever I am.  And is gracious whenever I call upon Him.  And by His amazing grace I made it to this beautiful Saturday.

After reading "Crazy Love", this past week, I have been think a lot about my earthly Dad. I praise God that he chose Joseph Mallon to be mine.  Joseph was a shepherd to his family, a friend, a banker, a teacher, a poet, a story teller, an artist, and a very hard worker.  I could sit here a give you a million attribute about my Dad.  But I will spare you.  Let's just say I really adored my Dad and miss him.  I remember, as a young child growing up in the city, hearing the church bells ring in the evening.  My heart would skip a beat.  Those bells indicated that my dad would be walking up the alley in just a few minutes.  The neighborhood kids would all stop playing and run to try to be the first one to get to him.  He had this way of making everyone feel special.  The first one the get to him would get to carry his newspaper. I always felt irritated when he let one of the neighborhood kids carry it.  But he was fair.  I can still remember the smell of him as he hugged me with those loving arms. After we were done swarming him we all walked with him to the house. But I walked most proudly because this was my Daddy. He never excluded anyone.  Everyone felt just as special.  But at the end of the day he was the father of Maria, Joseph, Kathleen, Thomas and Christina exclusively.  He was a great example of a godly dad.

The love that I had for my dad was very special and unique.  Like I said he had the ability to make everyone feel loved.  But when it came to his children he desired it to be more than just feeling loved. He wanted it to be a knowledge of being loved.  He taught forgiveness.  And showed us godly love.  However, my dad wasn't perfect.  He too was human.  And, as all humans,  he was a sinner who stumbled upon God's grace.  One of my brothers, til this very day, does not hold the same picture our dad as the rest of us do.  There was a divide and for some reason the distance just grew and grew.  When my dad passed away on December 31, 2010, all but one of his five children, that he had raised, was there to kiss him goodbye.  But, at the time of his passing my dad had a peace in his heart.  He and my brother had been talking for a little over a year.  It was superficial but they were talking. And I guarantee that if my brother walked into the room my dad would have showered him with grace.  He and my mom, for years, longed for "the prodigal" to return.  Just like our Heavenly father waits for us.

So, when you think about God's love do you think of it as being intellectual or is it more of an intimate love?   We all know that God loves us.  But do we feel how he loves us?  There is a song by David Crowder Band that has been playing in my head for days.  I wake with this song on my heart and as I lay restless at night I've been reflect upon the words "Oh, How He Loves Us" The song starts with, "He is jealous for me."  Our God is jealous for us.  He desires to spend intimate moments with each of us.  He wants to hang around with me?!?  His heart longs for us to sit quietly with Him.  The song continues with He "Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.  When all of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are , And how great Your affections are for me.  And oh, how He loves us...oh, Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us all!  We are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.  If His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking.  And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside my chest.  I don't have the time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way... He loves us.

God allows us to do what we need to do.  Remember that gift called "free will"  He loves us so intensely that He pushes and/or pulls us in the right direction. Just like any good parent would do if you were heading for danger.  As a child your parents would never have allowed you to put your hand in the fire under their watchful eye.  What you did when they weren't looking you did at you own "free will".  God is jealous for me!  He wants my attention, affection and my all.  And when I am too busy with unimportant issues He is merciful.  Sometimes we just need to bend and allow His hand to guide us. During a storm and/or after it passes, if we are intimately aware of his love and mercy, we are more eager to drawn near to Him.  And like the lyrics state, "If His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking" His love is that great.  We can never go too far.  We are always within His reach and He is always waiting for us. We have this ocean of grace to humbly bathe in. In Psalm 40:5 David reminds us of God's amazing love towards His people.  "You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you!  I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." God's wondrous deeds and His thoughts towards us are too numerous for us to even grasp.  He showers us with love and treasures each day.  And we are so spoiled that we tend to take them for granted.

Let's take a moment to reflect on how God's love has affected our lives.  Merciful just doesn't give God's love for me justice.  A few years back I remember being quite distraught.  My world was turned upside down when I discovered that my husband, at the time, wasn't faithful.  I had started attending a new non-denominational church when I was pregnant with our third child.  And I wasn't completely honest with him about where I was going.  I would get the girls up and we would head to the new church. After all he wasn't going to the church he was brought up in.  So, I thought it wouldn't matter.  I didn't quite agree with the teachings of the church we had be attending and wanted something more biblical.  One Sunday morning I invited him to come with us.  He wasn't up for it.  So we went once again without him.  As the months passed I began to draw closer to God.  And found myself longing to be in the word.  I would read my bible while cooking, eating or doing laundry.  One day when my husband returned home he came into the laundry room and saw that my bible was open to Proverbs 5.  He saw what the proverb said and was clearly disturbed.  It was shortly after that when the LORD revealed to my heart that I was about to enter the biggest storm of my life.  And I began to hold tightly to His hand.  On a few occasion I let go and tried doing things my own way. I have to admit I did a few things that I wasn't proud of.  Like walking into a bar and knocking the "other" woman off the stool.  Only to find myself calling her, a few days later, to apologize for my actions.  You see I serve a God who showed me grace and love.  And as a result of His unfailing love for me I knew I needed to have that same kind of love.  The evening of the "bar stool" event I found myself in my kitchen on my knees.  I was so lost and felt alone.  I cried out to my creator and pleaded with Him.  "LORD, I was created to be a wife.  How is this happening to me?  Is this real?  Am I going to wake up tomorrow and everything be "normal" again?"  And are you ready to hear what my God said to me?  He said, "Kathleen, your Maker is your husband, The LORD Almighty is His name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth." At that moment God showed me His great love for me and He became my Beloved.  There were a lot of hurricane moments over the years that followed.  I divorced my first husband, raised three babies on my own, worked, went back to school, dated a few men, fell into sexual sin and cheated on my Beloved.  But His grace is an ocean.  Eventually I surrendered to Him. He reminded me of my cry from the kitchen floor.  And blessed me once again by giving me the gift of a earthly husband.  By the grace of God, and His ability to teach me unconditional love and abounding grace,  my ex-husband and I are now very good friends.

I  have had moments that I questioned God's love for me.  I think that is normal.  Well at least I hope I am not the only one.  During my "single mom" days I had periods of time when I felt God had abandoned me.  The house we moved into had a leaky roof.  I had little money for food, electricity or clothes.  I got really sick and felt horrible all the time.  And I was lonely. Christmas was coming and I had no spare change to buy the kids anything. I cried out to my Beloved, "Are you abandoning us too? Where are you?  My house is a mess and I am hungry.  I need you and you are not present.  Please, please, please show me you are near." And soon after we had another rain storm.  And the tub start to leak into the dining room too.  Talk about when it rains it pours.  That night my three kids and I created a game.  Every time it rained we ran to get pot and pans.  Whoever filled their pot or pan with the most raindrops first won.  I got very creative with rice, beans, vegetables and bullion cubes.  Their two favorite dishes chicken-less chicken casserole and pasta and beans. We also began to enjoy reading scripture by candle light and creating indoor games or playing old favorites.  One day while eating one of our crazy concoctions at the dinner table my daughter said, "I love how God is taking care of us.  He really loves us!  Right mom?" Wow, I was such a brat,  I thought to myself.  "He does really love us!"  It's amazing that when you ask the kids when they felt God most in their life.  I can almost guarantee they will tell you it was that stormy time in our lives. The storms in this life are to draw us closer to Him.  And as we drew closer to Him we became tighter as a family.

There was a period in my life when I felt that the LORD was leading me to read the book of Romans on a daily basis.  And over the years I have found myself reflecting on the numerous treasures in the verses on those pages.  But one of the greatest reminders of God's relentless love I find in Romans 8: 31-39, "What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who is against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?  Who will bring a charge against God's elect?  God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.  Who will separates us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, "For your sake we are being out the death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughter."  But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Nothing can separate from God.

 I pray that as we continue to we pursue God's Crazy Love for us that we will take time reflect on the intimate love our Heavenly Father has for us.  I pray that we purposefully seek Him and learn to love Him deeply. I ask that He give us the tools to glorify Him in all that we do. I encourage you to seek God, read your bible, listen to music or do activities that bring you to glorify Him.