Starts with a D and ends in pression.

I am overwhelmed.

God has a perfect plan.  I am trying to hold tight to that promise.  But my palms are quite slippery. And the darkness is so loud.  My head has been spinning.  The only words I was able to hear were the constant insults being flung my direction.  I am a failure at many things. And these failures seemed to echo in my head and heart a lot these past few days.  I am not successful enough to have tons of  extra money in the bank.  My parenting skills are in need of an overhaul.  And as a person I pretty much lack the potential of being great.

Last weekend I commented about how I am very tired and my body aches a lot.  I have been in so much physical and mental pain.  To the point that it hurts to walk, sleep, and enjoy life.  My youngest daughter replied with, "Yes Mom, it starts with a "D" and ends in pression."  Wow, I think she might be on to something.  You think?!?  That is exactly the state in which my mind has recently taken up residence. Forward all my mail please.

I had been praying and trying very hard to hear the voice of my Lord and King.  But darkness had been making it difficult to hear and to move.  I was exhausted.  I felt like I was in quicksand.  And the deeper I sank the more difficult it was to breathe.  My heart was tight.  And bitterness began to paralyze my every move.  I called out, "God, where are you?  I know you are here.  I need you.  I need your touch.  I need to feel the warmth of your embrace.  It is dark.  A darkness I have never experienced.  Please, Lord shine your light on me."  I faintly heard his voice.  It was difficult to understand.  I knew that He was there.  I just couldn't seem to get focused. He is faithful.  And I knew that He was calling for me.  "Kathleen", He lovingly responded, "cast ALL your anxiety and sadness on me.  I love you and care for you.(1 Peter 5:7)" "But Lord, I am in a really bad place And I don't know how to get out."  Calmly He placed His hand on my hardened heart and whispered, " I have gone before you and I will be with you; I will NEVER leave you or forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.(Deuteronomy 31:8)  Now take my hand.  And allow my yolk to be upon you.(Matthew 11:29)".

Well, yesterday I finally took Him up on the offer.  I humbly took His hand and decided to let Him gently pull me out of the quicksand James 4:10. God tells us in  Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.   Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.   For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."    God promises that if we allow Him to carry us; He will make our burdens lighter.

Today I can breathe a little better.  There is still darkness all around me.  And my ears are still a little clogged with sand.  But, I know that there will come a day that I will have no longer be surprised by these painful trials. But I will rejoice and be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. (1 Peter 4:12-13).  I know that the God of hope will fill me with joy and peace as I learn to trust in Him.  Every day there may be a new darkness that falls on my heart.  But I know that my God loves me and is totally capable of lighting up my life.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." 2 Corinthians 4: 8-18

God has a plan.  And I am overwhelmed!

"We have seen and heard the wonders of your hands. How you loved us first. Carried us to the promised land. Who is like you God? None that we know. We are overwhelmed, we are overwhelmed by You. Lord you came to our rescue.  Now we live to worship you.  You have seen and heard our desperate cries for mercy.  You became a curse so we could live in victory"~Jimmy Robeson