The past few mornings I woke up thinking, "Where do I begin this weeks blog?" It all seems a bit bitter sweet to me. The "Crazy Love" study has come to an end. What now?
So much has changed over the past two and a half months. I started off wanting to see, feel and know of God's crazy. And in the process I discovered how much I depend upon His love. And how little I do to earn His unending love and amazing grace.
Last night I was blessed by my sister-in-law, Lisa and her husband Mike. They invited my husband and me out for a delicious meal. We had some really spectacular conversation. We talked about our children, our jobs and much more. Life can be overwhelming. And sometimes we just need an accolade or two to push us in the right direction. I praise God for a sister-in-law that is direct, honest and willing to share her heart with me. And, as a result of her words of encouragement, she helped give me direction for this weeks blog post. Thank you Lisa!
In August of 1992, on the beach in OCMD, I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. I was reading a book my Dad had lent me, "Letters from the oth
er side. A man came up to me and started a conversation. During that conversation he picked up some sand and started running it through his fingers. He then took one grain of sand a placed it in the palm of my hand. And proceeded to tell me that I was that grain of sand. He then flecked the grain out of my hand and told me that God found me. Out of all of the grains on that very beach God had his eye on that grain (me). And no matter how the wind would shift these grains of sand God would always be able to pick me out. I have to say that is some pretty crazy loving right there. I love being on the beach. There is where I have that anniversary feeling with God. I am not just a grain of sand. I am the grain. I have been tossed around, placed in a bucket, trampled on, used, and submerged in the ocean. And all of this has been for His glory. I am being refined daily. Wherever the wind decides to that me, I know He will find me there.
Sometimes God uses situations to reveal to us that He is pursuing us. As you all my know, or my not know, my oldest "inherited" daughter lives in Istanbul. And in May of 2013 my main man and I visited her in her stomping grounds. Everyday, five time a day, we would hear bells or "the call for prayer" resounding. And then over a mega phone a prayer was chanted. People all over the town would stop in their tracks and pray. As I watched this occur throughout our visit it ultimately made me think about my faith and relationship with my God. I remember thinking as I stood in the midst of this "call to prayer", "I call myself a Christian woman and I sever a living God that deserves to be honored and praised, by me, in this very way." The emotions that poured over me were overwhelming at that time. I was feeling a bit ashamed. I claim to sever a God that is crazy in love with me and I didn't think to give Him the time of day. As our days continued in Istanbul I found myself praying and seeking God's forgiveness for my nonchalant worship of the past. And felt an overwhelming sense of His presence. Happy Anniversary! And then we came home and the "bells" stopped ringing. Honeymoon over.
Have you ever made a commitment to someone or something with full intentions of making it work? I am going to use the "diet" analogy here. There is a great song by Everybodyduck called, Suzie's diet. If you haven't heard it I suggest you google it. We wake up and say today is the day! I am going to start off with cardio and then I am going drink my water. And the I am going to eat healthy drink a protein shake or two. Stay away from the pasta and sweets. Yada yada yada... We make a plan and stick to it all day. We have our "mountain top" moment. Then, somehow, by 8pm we are on the sofa with a bowl of ice cream or in my case cheese, full fat mind you, and trisciuts. And we beat ourselves up as we lay in bed. And once again say, "tomorrow, yep I'll start tomorrow." This pretty much sums up how I pursued God for most of my life. I would make a plan to seek Him daily and faithfully be in the word. And then get distracted by the things around me. There were no bells to remind me to follow through. I went an entire 6 months not reading any other book, besides the bible, because of a "plan" I tried to commit to. And after those six months I didn't reach my goal. And I felt a bit deflated. So, what's my point in all of this? I don't want to lose this "mountain top" feeling I have after these ten beautiful weeks.
A few weeks ago I stated that I wanted to love God more faithfully. And that it would flow naturally. I don't want to require bells ringing 5 times a day to call me to my knees. I have been praying that God would give me the heart to seek Him. And that the Holy Spirit would be upon me as I humbly come before Him. Psalm 37:4 tells us that if we delight ourselves in the Lord He will give us the desires of our heart. I find myself thinking more and more about God throughout my day more now than ever. I wake up and look forward to seeking Him. My heart is overjoyed. I am madly in Love with the One who seeks me first.
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